Random Thought Bubbles

Ramblings on of someone still finding the way




Nice pictures? Haha... Cherie took them. Rac's and Steph's birthday and me as the party decorator and party mood setter together with Bryan =)) The christmas tree's been there since last christmas... haha. We like to think it adds to a cheery atmosphere.

So anyway, I've been trying to blog for two days. And have failed miserably as you can tell from the lack of updates. Haha! Anywez, it's mostly because I've been trying to add lots of pictures into one blog and stubbornly telling myself that I can fit everything in one post. Maybe I just can't... but I don't know... I did do that super '4 days of crazy' post the last time and that came out alright... Then again it was mostly pictures from my camera phone which would've saved a whole lot of space... Blah! Now the pictures have loaded up and this blog is super long because of the sheer load of pictures to choose from.

In any case, as dedicated scribe for my bunch of crazy friends =) I shall continue with what was left of our last few days together as a group before people started moving out.

First, Racine's and Steph's birthday (I shall save the juicy picture for another day =P for those who know... MUAHAHA!!!). It was a none BBQ but BBQ party... haha... I found it funny because there was a barbecue pit but there were only sausages to barbecue and it appears that one cannot just buy marshmallows from Carrefour or Tesco but have to find a Cold Storage somewhere and get it there. Van tried but it was not to be... No marshmallows for us and no Chubby Bunny game... blea... oh ya, Chubby Bunny is a game I learnt at camp. It's when you stuff a marshmallow in your mouth and say 'Chubby Bunny'. Repeat till someone can't say 'Chubby Bunny' without choking. (Somehow I think I've typed that before). Bry and I decorated Bryan's place with lots of candles and christmas lights (look above) and a very sad looking banner... (look below) hee hee... ala me cause all he had was a little cardboard and some highlighters so I had to make the best of it. We also had a little lecture notes burning session. Hehe. That felt really good! I think it was the first time in a long while where we didn't have alcohol at a party... wait... we did have Baileys in the end... Haha! Okay, we still had alcohol, but everyone was so tired since it was just the day after the last day of EOS and just generally feeling the effects of getting old, no one really drank. Lina and I fell asleep on the beanie bag thingie together. Haha. I bet we looked like two old ladies having a cat-nap. Enjoy the pics =) there are alot more to go... hehe. Haven't been feeling very funny lately... pictures will have to do for now =P



Screamer and Racine with the quite sad banner

Dress code - Anything that has a cartoon.
No cartoon shirt? Make Mickey ears like Amelia!!


I tell you it was super just being able to sit around and DO NOTHING

Look at Bryan la...

Steph and Van =)

I look bad in this photo but I can't pass up on posting a totem photo =)

Racine and Steph and the quite sad banner again =P

Racine and the tall tall Van Ren

Die lecture notes DIEEEE!!!!

L to R - Michelle, Lina, Racine, Shirley
(That's the beanie thingie that Lina and I fell asleep on)

This is the Marilyn-is-studying-and-touching-her-face-again set =P

Trying to fit everyone in... hee hee... quite good la

Next, LUNA. Suddenly someone decided we should go 'chill' at Luna. We all went in three cars and happily piled out. I was happy till my dress caught in a hook on the side of Bran's car door and I coincidentally also 'slipped' out of the car. That's when my dress ripped a slit on the left side! Good thing it's not one of my more expensive pieces of clothing. I'da cried right there (yes, like a bimbo... Haha... but tell me which girl won't cry for her clothing or shoes?). So my evening started with a rip in my dress. Now that dress has a slit. And with all my cheerleading, dance and IMCC improv skills I tied a knot and the dress actually looks better! =P As always we did a toilet shoot. Hee hee! Quite a bit of the photos didn't come out though... but yuppers it was definitely fun! Ooo ya, dress code this time was dress, which explains why I was wearing a dress in the first place. Good thing I finally did my laundry that day (or maybe bad thing since I did rip the dress =P)

Need to potty?


I like this photo... too bad it's so dark =P




First try - Fail... completely uncoordinated Haha!

Second Attempt - Better... but BLUR!! ARGH!!

Third Attempt - It's always better to smile =))
but the composition looks bad... haha... oh well... fourth try's the charm?
Racine looks sweet here and Lina's got the 'come here' look. HAHAHA!

And finally, RUUMS. Juice had reported that RUUMS (it took over Channel... yes, the feng tau place) was a cool place to be and that it could accommodate 4000 people. (all of us didn't believe that) So, since Zouk has been religiously rejecting the underaged and we didn't want to resort to Poppy again we decided to go back there even though Kun Leng had already said it was playing techno when she got there earlier. Ling Wei had read that it was supposed to be 'Retro'. Haha. I was hoping for a make-shift 'Mambo Jambo' but of course it could never beat Zouk. SOOooOOoo... after fumbling through decisions (we've become quite good at changing plans at the last minute) we got to Ruums the lot of us and went in where the girls got ANOTHER free bottle just for arriving. The place is HUGE. It's got little nooks and crannies that look very good and those hanging bamboo chairs. The only thing missing is a good crowd... haha... but since we're a big bunch it didn't quite matter to us. Ruums needs a better dj though... he wasn't very bad but he wasn't very good either =P It was a weird mix R&B... I guess what was playing that night can be called R&B... haha... Plus, there was a Bryan lookalike who started dancing with us and at first we were all a little confused because we all thought it was Bryan for a while. Can't remember the fella's name but it was funny to see them dancing side by side. eheh!







The last time we all had dinner altogether (well, missing Van cause she was at MMW) was at San Francisco Steakhouse. We'd already gone for beggar chicken at Banting that afternoon and I was definitely still a little stuffed from all the pork fat I'd ingested since no one else wanted it, then someone suggested San Fran and I was thinking... 'I can't eat yet... haha...' so I had apple pie in the end when everyone else (besides Rac who was having a dessert like me) was eating a whole lot of meat... ergh... I had enough meat for one day after the whole beggar chicken thing... Haha. Stuffed fish, stuffed chicken, stuffed duck, glutinous rice, pork, pork innards, veggie... I just didn't want to move after it all =P Here's a photo we took after finishing... the guys couldn't be bothered to take a photograph.


Since EOS 5 is over... we've been up to no good again =) unfortunately, we've been outta practice for so long, the group is having a few problems starting up again. Thankfully we've still got a little of the old pizzaz and get togethers just after EOS have been good warming-up exercises in anticipation for better partying days to come. Everyone keeps complaining about getting old and feeling sleepy and tired all the time. Just the other day (Amelia, Michelle, Lina and I went to get our hair cut... yes, again) we were all saying how we should sit around in old woman rocking chairs and knit winter clothes instead of buy them and probably fall asleep in the process of doing said activity. Haha! In any case, here are a few pictures of the past few days. There's a particular incriminating picture of a certain someone in Steph's camera from Racine's and Steph's birthday party at Bryan's last friday but that's for another blog entry altogether... because I don't have it yet. Hehe...

First, the Poppy excursion. The night started out early with everyone leaving pretty much on time. However, when we got to Zouk luck has it that the underaged would not be allowed in, no matter what they're wearing, or saying... haha... so we had to change venue to Nouvo... which was dead as a dehydrated frog that drowned in vodka. SoOoOooo we were left with yet again Poppy, and since it too was quite empty the girls still got in free and we even got a free bottle... hehehe... I look quite wasted in alot of the photos even though I hardly drank, probably because I was already quite tired =P The night got progressively better with 3 guys dying and the rest of us taking photos and ridiculing them, which is always fun =P It wasn't the best clubbing experience but we're definitely picking up...

Progressively happy

Haifon died

Haifon died... again


Brandon and Bryan Cute Cute Cute


Charu, Hema, Gowri, Jebb


Uncoordinated Mengada

Look at RUBEN

As always a picture with Bry my drinking buddy =)

Next, we got Racine a Shu Uemura make-up plus photo thingy at Midvalley as her birthday present. I'd already promised to go with her the day before (which was why I suggested it in the first place) so... we were there buying make-up and taking pictures together... hee hee! No matter who the girl is, she'll always like having photos taken of her... It's amazing how a little photoshoping will do to a picture. I spent the better half of the day walking around Midvalley with a mohawk... which was weird and great at the same time because I just love shocking people =P I don't have a picture of Racine's but below are mine... hehe... She had a few taken with a pvc trenchcoat that made her look like a flasher... but the picture she picked looked very sweet =) I haven't been able to put the mohawk up again since then but I haven't got hairspray either. Clay just doesn't do the job anymore. These photographer people seem to just love beads and fur... I had a green thing on me that looked like moss. You can just see a tiny bit of it peeking out from the corner beside my ugly stubby thumb. Yes, I have a stubby thumb. The right side (the one I sucked when I was little) is short and fat. Both thumbs don't look like they belong to the same person =P


RACINE =)

Racine and a Mohawk

All the girls there that day... heheh





I just love the mohawk look... hee hee... anywez, more updates to come - Racine's and Stephanie's birthday thing at Bry's, Luna and Ruums this Thursday!!

Litany of Fear
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

OMG!

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So I decided it was time for a change...


This is me from the front

This is me from the side


And this my friends is me from the back. OMG OMG OMG!

I have completely satisfied my hair cutting fetish days. No more haircutting for me. NO MORE! It's not that I don't like being punky but this is a little too much for me to carry. OMG OMG! I as usual gave free reign to my hairstylist but I think this went too far... not that I don't like it... but OSCE!!!!!! DIE!!!! Just when I thought life was getting boring. I, of course, had to go stir things up a little. Serves me right!! OMG!!!!

I keep waking up from strange dreams nowadays. Maybe due to all the light sleeping and falling asleep on my notes hoping I'll absorb everything by osmosis. It's funny how that osmosis joke survives from secondary school. I remember someone saying that while lying on a biology textbook. Haha...

I watched Tokyo drift yesterday after health issues summative. The cars are so ah beng but in the context of Tokyo everything looks good, even the crazy harijuku girls and the girls who wear weirdo clothes that make everyone here look like ah lians. The hillside route the drivers took for the last race 'showdown' looked alot like the one from 'Initial D'. The plot was the typical schoolkids playing gangster and paying for the lifestyle kind. The 'hero' fella just kept on going back for the same girl even after knowing that he'd get into big trouble with the yakuza. How guys can be that stupid is beyond me. If ya like big sportcars and people driving like madmen and girls in short short skirts, this is the movie for you. I think it was good only for the car stunts, not the plot itself. Haha. 'Young and Dangerous' still the best for shallow gangsterism, I think.

I had a funny headache all day yesterday while I was out watching the movie and doing everything else besides studying. I couldn't get rid of it even with food. Finally when I got home I realized it was due to caffeine withdrawal. That was annoying =P Socially acceptable drugs like caffeine will be the bane of me. Haha. Ah well indeed...

And since I got nothing much to write about these days. Here's another song. A 'happier' one this time. Same funny people.

New song! Haha... My brain's on strike. But this song's crazy... below are the lyrics. Try to sing along. Bet you can't. =P

There's Aspirin, Adrenaline & also Aminophylline, Amphetamine, Adenosine, Augmentin & Rifampicin, Amoxicillin, Penicillin, Heparin & Warfarin & Oestrogen, Progestagen & Canesten & Chloroquine

There's Bendroflumethiazide & also Cyclophosphamide & Metoclopramide, Acetazolomide Tropicamide, Loperamide, Amiloride & Cyclizine & Frusemide & if you're up the duff then you had best avoid Thalidomide.

There's Lithium, Fluoxetine & also Amitriptyline, Paroxetine, Digoxin, GTN & Azathioprine, Miconazole, Atenolol & also Chloramphenicol & if you want to overdose there's always Paracetamol

There's Night Nurse & Phenytoin, Zirtek & Diazepam, & Lithium, Temazepam, Midazolam, Clonazepam, Testosterone, Aldosterone & Valium & Insulin, & Lignocaine & Piriton & Ventolin & Ritalin

There's Cefuroxime, Cefotaxime, Cefalexin, Cephedrine, & Metronidazole & Ketoconazole, Trimethoprim, Erythromycin, Gentamycin, Macrolides, Nifedipine & Actifed & Sudafed & Calpol with no sugar in.

There's Phenelzine & Hyoscine, Ranitidine, Cimetidine, Potassium & Calcium & ev'ry kind of Vitamin, & Pethedine & Methadone & Speed, Cocaine & Heroin, & Cannabis & Prozac, Morphine, Alcohol & Nicotine.

You must remember all these drugs The names of which you've learnt from me Or fuck 'em all & get a job in Orthopaedic Surgery.

Hello dear readers! I'm so sick of lecture notes! It's never-ending! It's even worse than the song that never ends! (but I did like watching Lambchop sing-a-long... haha!). In the midst of trying to remember what multiple myeloma is and all the tiny words every slide has, I decided to share with you a song. It is one of several by Adam Kay and Suman Biswas that I'll put on whenI feel like it. The title of this one is 'Eternal Clerking'. Some song that I heard at LT one day before lecture started. I think Johan put it on. Anywez, I've nothing to write about besides I had a dream last night. It was one bloody awful dream. I'd been reading about blood this whole week and my brain has decided that it's even sleeping in haemato notes and decided to entertain my 'rest' time with all the words that start with the letter 'L'. I give to you my dream... it was shiny, glittering, technicolour on a clean white background and each word in enormous, bold, block lettering... Times New Roman no less. Ladies and gentleman (what I can remember of it anyway =P)

Lymphoma
Lymphocytosis
Lymphopaenia
Leukemia
Lymphoid
Lymphatics

Even my dream time is being stolen from me...

Too many nights without sleep, too many mornings crawling outta bed groggy. It's been a while since I've had a proper night's sleep. Getting quite skitisch (I can't quite care if that's a word... it looks like what I feel like. Haha! skitisch...) Haemato is squishing my brain to bits and I haven't been to GI or MSK or CNS or RENAL or REPRO! I'm 2 days behind schedule and it appears health issues ain't so easy to study for.

Started getting sick of listening to Song 2 everytime I check for new stuff on my blog. So here's a less noisy one. Haha. Undress Me Now by Morcheeba. I happened over it when I was searching for trip-hop besides Massive Attack. The 'House MD' theme is Teardrop by Massive Attack. I recognized the beat they always use for their music and thought maybe there's another cool band doing the same thing with new stuff... but no, it's a really old song from Massive Attack. No one seems to know they exist or used to exist... I don't know if they've done anything new for so long. Haha. The music video is a virtual journey type thing in a womb. There's a baby and it lip-synchs to the song. But again, no one seems to remember that either. Me likey trip-hop nowadays and those lounge-y sounding music. =)

So few days, so little brain space, so little time, so little sleep. Not good, not good at all.

Denial

From the moment of receiving and tearing open your letter till the next stage - The second you see not the name you want to see but some other choice that you didn't want anyway. And then you think this can't be happening to me. I'm too good for second, third, fourth, n'th choice. They must've got my rankings all wrong. The computer must be faulty. The person entering information into the terminal must be a retard. This is a typo! They mistyped the whole name! Maybe if I rub my eyes enough, twirl around 200 times and jump up and down the name will be right... Yes!? no... It's not a typo and the twirling didn't do squat. But this can't be right!

Anger
The stage where one realizes that there is injustice - Who else got into the uni I wanted? Whuuuaattt?! Why did he/she/it get in and I didn't? WHY? And he/she/it didn't even put it as first choice! It's a conspiracy. There are rumours everywhere! We must APPEAL! We must REVOLT! WE MUST DO SOMETHING! This is so insulting. I don't want to deal with this! Why do we have to work hard at all? Someone must PAY!

Bargaining
The stage where one will do anything to change the situation - Appeal, appeal, appeal. Make excuses, make reasons, make lies. Whatever it takes to get what that first choice! Letter to everywhere and everyone! Make promises in whatever religion believed in. Please give me what I want, I won't ****/(whatever) for a year.

Depression
The stage of learned helplessness - I didn't get it... even after all the appealing. Sigh... I'm just stuck here. There's nothing I can do about it now. But I don't want to go there. It won't be fun because I won't like it. SIGH... I have a headache, I want to go to sleep, I'm so sick of studying, I don't want to see anyone, I want to be alone...

Acceptance
The stage of giving up and giving in - It's probably not so bad. After all the initial pain and annoyance of not getting the first choice I can deal with it now. It's probably why we were given from Friday till Monday (5pm) to think about it. All the time in the world to go through the 5 stages of grief in hopes that there will be fewer appeals and fewer disruptions to the gleeful conspiracy we all have to submit to.

Just right now I'm angry. Angry because of the injustice of the world. Angry because it doesn't matter what the hell marks you get anyway, because it's all just LUCK. LUCK and administrative ease. So you're good at what you do and you do it because you want to be rewarded with what you deserve. Do you deserve less because the next fella who isn't as good is luckier? Do you deserve less because it's administratively easier that you're put somewhere else? Do you deserve less when your ECA list is full and your marks are great and the next fella's isn't but has the same first choice and gets it? What the hell is going on? Why are the smart people being thrown around? Why WHY WHY!!!! Why are there kiasu people who screw other people over? The kind that should be skinned alive and allowed to bleed slowly to death. Why are there people willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if it means sabo'ing other people? Tell me how do I deal with this kind of unfairness...
IMU just gave us all a reason to give up. It's not about your results dearies. We got the numbers out of a hat. Personal attack on your achievements? We're so sorry but we just want to treat all of you equally, whatever your results might be.

It appears I can't be melancholy for long nowadays. =P That's strange considering I happen to like to wallow for long periods, mostly because I can write and write and be surprised that I can somehow write poetry. Then when I read back again I forget how it all came out. Most of us who didn't get our first choice uni are in the acceptance phase. I can't make up my mind as to whether that includes me. At least I'm not extremely upset about it anymore, which is tragic. Shouldn't I hold stronger to what I want? The system's getting to me. Then again I've always coloured within the lines... all except for those times I felt like doing something illegal. Haha!

Nothing new to report besides appears there's controversy about the matching process. Been hearing a few things but I'd rather not perpetuate the grapevine in case it's all poppydick. Haha! Poppydick. I've been playing 'Plantasia'. One of those flash game type things. It's about a fairy who's supposed to fix gardens by planting and watering flowers. I think the fairy's name is poppydick. That's a very silly and unfairy-like name. Sounds more like a bad word for small wee wee. =P Anyway, some of the smart people didn't get their first choices. Smart meaning very smart with high high marks and who do very well. That's sad... and unfair. Oh well...

I shall type no further about matching because it gets me upset and annoyed everytime someone asks me about it. Mostly because I didn't get what I want. Haha. I sound so much like a spoilt child... but I've never been a spoilt child. My mom even said I've never thrown a tantrum, and I never ran around restaurants like a crazy kid on speed.

Maybe I'll churn out more poetry... I watched 'Svlvia' again the other day and it's got me in the writing mood. Haven't written much for so long I feel like I don't have the words. Plath is so goooood... but sooooo crazy.

Extremum

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is it during pure joy or utter despair
that only do we realize we are solid?
then to pass through life grey
would be to pretend the dead can walk.
is it only at the extremes of feeling
when light is virgin white or hellish black
we can believe a breath is real?
that all the in-between quiet
was a dreamtime in pause,
till the moment of release.
then what is living but for the flashes
of complete emotion.
not halfway, not just
sometimes, sometimes nearly
but always a search, a waiting
for that sudden, unexpected
surge of electric happiness,
or sadness.
that of which we cling so desperately
to remind that we are indeed

Alive.

Dare I wait for another ship to shore,
Lest there be the lesser chore.
May that be the only sound
I'll wish to dread, to see, to hound.

Dark blue flatters, my thoughts congealed,
Let the gates of Life be sealed
By the breath of whom I love;
Him whose hands fit mine like gloves.

If then should Fate be cold and cruel
Only for Light be crushed and ruled.
An ugly knot would tighten my chest,
I would think my self lest blest.

O'er seas and land that do divide
Each wounded sigh from each side.
Oh, such deep blackness do elope
A sense of gnawing at white Hope.

Earth, fire, water and air,
Hear my sorrowful prayer fair.
I fall and fall into these colours, drown;
With weak arms and heavy lungs, unfound.

So we slip and slither in Life's waiting room,
Only to find too late, or too soon.
Each man who thinks he holds his own,
Courts only a game of crashes unborn.

If only fate would deal me a better hand. That by some sick twist-tear in the fabric of time and space there could be another ending... First things first, I didn't get my first choice and I'm sore. Sore to the very core of my being. Is this punishment for all those times I didn't go to lecture? I somehow wish I'd flipped my first and second choices. There is enough stress to span the earth sphere-wise and over from EOS and now this. WHY WHY WHY? Why is my destiny not what I want? Will there be a silver lining to this? Is there some other path I can take? WHY WHY WHY?????

Second thing second, I'm pms-ing meaning I am emotional for no darn reason already. This I can blame on my body and there are always ways to tackle the irritation. But it contributes greatly to the amount of despair and unconsolable sadness of the moment. There are no words in my head, only colours of black, red and white. All the thoughts have meshed together. Black for desolation, red for anger and white for helplessness. I would scream if I could... but what would that accomplish? Again I sit in the learned helplessness of which we are so familiar.

Third, I need not appeal because my dad says there's no need. Fine by me but I wish I could be somewhere else anyway. So where and what does that leave me? ARGH!!!

Fourth, I can't study with all this in my head. Black, red and white. Not even proper thoughts I can work around. Health issues should go to hell, but I know I can't let that happen. I'm much too proud to allow myself failure. How I wish... It's enough I didn't get what I want.

Fifth, sleep evades me like the first choice I didn't get. Funny thing is it's not because I really want to go to Adelaide but because I didn't get my first choice. If only Mr. Sandman would visit just right now. He would be hungrily welcomed. Sleep's like taking a holiday from the world. I'd like to be in a coma for a while now.

No. 6 cannot be written about. I'm afraid if I do I'll jinx myself. Please Big Mr. Fate-In-The-Sky, be kinder to me...

A-U-C-K-L-A-N-D
not Adelaide or Dalhousie like you wanted, sorry...

I passed!

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I passed CNS. haha! Thank goodness. Now for health issues and the death match EOS 5 exams. Matching results are coming out at 9am at AAD tomorrow.

Let there be H-O-P-E

After a whole day of wondering why my internet doesn't work and keeps saying there's poor connectivity, I decided to restart my computer. My internet works again. I'm glad I didn't call the nasioncom people just for them to tell me to restart my laptop. That would be a waste of a call and would make me feel quite silly.

Because all there is to watch on tv nowadays is football in the middle of the night when I'm trying to keep awake I'm watching some of the matches but can't quite be bothered to pay attention since I'm no football fan and I still don't get why it's so interesting. Haha! I just need some noise in the background so I don't scare myself when it gets too quiet. Anyway, I look up from my endless stack of notes to the tv everytime there's a chorus of males screaming to see that someone's either almost scored a goal or someone's scored or someone made an amazing save. But the only thing I've gotten from all of this is that footballers (or soccer players =P as the Americans and Canadians like to call it... and I used to call it soccer too) like to spit, a lot. Then it got me thinking (while I'm trying to read endo... and every note appears to be something I have never read or seen before... I couldn't even remember ever reading what thyroperoxidase is until I read the physio for thyroid hormones again) how disgusting it is that the footballers are already all over each sweaty other everytime they try to wrestle the ball away and falling and rolling all over the grass that they are also falling and rolling over everyone else's saliva. Ugh... for love of the game. Haha =P

Then 'The Sun' has an afternoon version of their paper containing only football news and of course I flipped through and had no interest whatsoever in the articles about great games and other related football news. Except today I read about one team having a coach named Dick Advocaat. Then it got me thinking about the word advocate. What would a dick advocate be? Sounded so much like another way to say pimp. =P Advocaat would've been such a cool surname if not for the Dick in front of it. Then again anyone named Dick is sure to be belittled and bullied for his parents' mistake of christening him so. Oh, and I read about Saudi Arabia's loss of 0-8 to some other team (of course I can't be bothered to remember which =P) in the last World Cup and that that was the largest loss in 20yrs of World Cup history. That must've been quite embarrassing. At least they made it to the World Cup. Everything else but lecture notes feels like it's more worth remembering... sigh...

CNS results out tomorrow... or rather today... hope I didn't do too badly. 34 ppl failed out of my 181 persons batch. And matching results are supposed to be out this week. Stress is the word.

If sleep is required for one to process and organize memory... then shouldn't we all be sleeping more to remember more?

All this studying is taking a toll on me. I wake up in the morning early, after a whole night of trying to keep myself awake to study, to study. I spend the rest of my day trying to keep awake trying to study and when it's night I continue trying to keep myself awake. Lecture notes are the best sedatives in the world. Curl up in bed with a lecture, any lecture note, and Mr. Sandman will make an appearance before I even finish one slide, or worse, when I'm reciting a sentence out loud and I don't get to finish it. =P Blah... It's a curse.

The stress has got me cleaning my toilet now. Before long everything else in the house will be cleaned. And I'd have spent more time cleaning than actually studying. Not good... The last time I went through EOS exams I cleaned my toilet three times a week, or more.

I'm blogging just to break the monotony of notes. In respi now. Tomorrow I shall finish that and go on to Haemato then Endo then then then... everything else. Sigh... Before I know it, it will be the exams tomorrow and I won't know crap because everything's just squashed up in my head I can't decide which slide goes where. (I remember notes by slides... but things get mixed up and I might just 'paste' RF in IE and CF in IHD and be utterly wrong). SIGH!!!

I watched 'The 40-year-old Virgin' the other day. It's funny. It would be interesting to meet a guy who's not interested in sex at all. But the guy in the movie is quite a loser, albeit a really nice guy. Typical comic book recluse complete with deadend job. I've taken to watching something while I study nowadays. The distraction keeps me awake although it does slow me down somewhat. Better than sleeping through the day though. =P

Ya'well, back to the notes. !@#$^#%$*%^(*^&^$%!@~ Haha

OMG EOS 5 IS COMING! I can't believe I procrastinated this long. I'm usually more disciplined when it comes to last minuteness, considering last minute work is already a very dangerous point in time. I was supposed to start studying 2 months before death row happens. I ended starting a lot later than that. I started last Friday. EOS 5 is starts on the 17th of July. I'm going to die... I'm already stressing because I'm definitely not going to be able to finish in time. Unless of course I skim through everything like the wind. Then again I study like a dying snail so maybe putting some speed into the process might not do too much damage. No more photocopying the lecture note in my head. No enough space (or brain cells for that matter haha, thanks to all the clubbing and drinking) for all that when there's 3 semesters to cover in just over a month and a half. Yes, I am doomed. As always, WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF! =P

Everytime I think of the impending doom the stress imposes an involuntary cringing of my heart. As if that slight movement could save me from taking the exam at all. Haha! Right... I'm going delusional. I'm halfway through foundation 2 and I'm done with CVS. A whole lot more to go~~!!!! ARGH! And I'm blogging instead to relieve the stress of starting too late, the total and complete blame of which is on my shoulders. Where did all the TIME go?... and I'm watching cartoons dubbed in Malay on Channel 9. There's an extra channel besides ntv7 and 8tv now. =P They appear to cater to the Malay population. All the afternoon cartoons are in Malay... besides Ghost Busters. And I'm back to watching 'Rubi' and 'The Gardener's Daughter' while I study in the mornings because those two are the only decent things to watch while I study to prevent myself from falling back into the sticky but oh-so-comfortables arms of sleep. For anyone who doesn't know what those are, they are Spanish soaps. The only words I've learnt to recognize so far are something that sounds like 'por fa bor'... which I take means 'please la' or 'come on la'. Haha, and 'jardinera' meaning gardener and 'la hija' meaning daughter. All this while I'm studying. Sigh... but they are quite interesting to watch if there's nothing else on. So much drama. And everyone appears to have big assets, the actresses I mean. =P

Next TV distraction to keep me awake... World Cup Germany. Haha =P

Back to the seemingly endless stack of notes. Goodbye Life, for the next month and a half or so.


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Imagine making a whole replica of a building with just bottles (the ones in the picture above) and lots of it. Every bottle is filled with colour water and the replica is really tall. Haha. Add a bunch of lights and below is what you'll get. It's quite a shame after the fair it'll have to be torn down. I'd be really heartbroken to see something like that pulled apart if I were one of the fellas who put it together.


I went with a bunch of the girls to a Tanglung thing they're having at the stadium. It looked interesting from afar since the 'lanterns' were enormous and they were colourful bright and pretty! Haha! However all the glitter was gone when we got there. Aside from the replica of KLCC (the only thing I took a picture of since I think it's so cool haha!), a VCD Langkawi eagle and a super long dragon, it was more or less a letdown. The dragon was in the newspapers too. It's made up of a whole lot of blue and white plates, teacups, bowls and spoons. Quite amazing how anyone can string together a bunch (well, not really a bunch) of utensils into a dragon. There were wire and cloth insects, pandas, dinosaurs, cats, a phoenix made up of lots of silk worm cocoons (eww), an Aladdin castle (which also doubled as a kiddy ride), a ride with the Beijing Olympics mascots (I'm told they are Bei Bei, Jing Jing, Huan Huan, Ying Ying, Ni Ni... Beijing Huan Ying Ni. Haha! Corny... couldn't they have come up with something better. One of them looks like an anorexic Doraemon with a head-dress) and lots of mosques for some reason. Maybe they were trying to cater to the Muslims as well. Waste of RM5, but then again we didn't have anything better to do (besides studying for EOS 5 =P) so good waste of time anyway =)

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Kah Heng moved into the small room last night. I have a new housemate. I'll probably be forced to be cleaner now. Embarrassing la... haha... then again I usually couldn't care less what other people think. We'll see how it goes. When Kah Heng starts complaining about his 'dirty' housemate you can be sure it's me and not Nisha. Hehe!


My brother left on Saturday to go back to Brunei after his interview here. I think he'll ace that interview... He can speak English and he is cognizant... should be fine. Haha! In any case, I was just rummaging around in my drawer for a pair of ear rings when I found my ipod with the 'Turn Over' paper stuck in the display... "Huh? What's a strange paper bearing my brother's handwriting doing there?" Then I turn it over and it says...



*melt*

My brother is SO SWEET! That made my day little brother. He even sent me a message when he got back to Brunei saying how it was nice to have time with me (even though I was busy studying for CNS) and that it was soul food, that it gave him things to think about and that he was missing me already. *more melting* I hardly think I gave him much when he was here considering I didn't have no earth-shattering words of wisdom for him. But I am very grateful I have a brother who turns off the light for me because I'm bloody tired from studying and just want to crash and burn on my bed and who puts out a bottle of water for me because he thinks I don't drink enough water. *melt melt melt!* I pity those others who are not as close to their siblings.


In other news, I dyed my hair again! BLUE (several shades of this because of the previously orange hair bleached out) and PURPLE! MUAHAHA! I like the colour job this time. Good work Ricky! Haha! You can't make out the shades or the purple in the picture but I love it anyway! Blue is cool. Add one to the list of colours I've tried in my hair: Red, Orange, Yellow, Brown, Black, Purple, Ash Green and now BLUE. I have yet to try white, other ash colours and pink. Anyone want a free haircut? My stylist is looking for another demo cut... just message if y'all is interested =) Lots of perks but you don't get to choose your haircut... but it's always good anyway =))

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On days when it's random, your sister loves you too.

I watched the Drama Club's version of 'Phantom of the Opera' just now. It was not too bad but I have to say not the best production from the Drama Club. Most of it was too disjointed like the scenes didn't quite mesh together just right. I went mostly in support of Cheok Soon who was Mr. Phantom of the Opera. It was very funny at first since his first few scenes only required him to walk on stage with his mask and cape to drag the heroine offstage or walk from one side of the stage to the other (this walking bit was done something like 3 times... haha!) but when he finally got a talking scene it was quite funny =) Not a wasted RM3 but it wasn't the best of their plays.

Then Kah Heng, Amelia, Samantha, Cherie and I went to try catch 'Da Vinci Code' at Midvalley. Shirlene already told me it was slow so I wasn't expecting much but I didn't think it would be as slow as it is. Besides already knowing the plot and what's about to happen, I think it was a little too much talking and too little action. Either that or they were trying to fit most of the book in so they couldn't concentrate on the action bits. I left the cinema feeling cheated. I assumed it would be good since it did have Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou (she's the girl from 'Amelie' and 'A very Long Engagement', both very good French movies in my opinion but then again I've only watched two French movies so I might be wrong =P). I think they didn't have enough of getting the audience to appreciate how beautiful the art and places are, but that would be asking too much since it already appears the screenwriters were trying so hard to fit everything into the 2 hours plus that the movie ran for.

Sleepy as hell I went home with the rest. After getting dropped off we (meaning the 3 girls previously mentioned and me) made our way back. There was a man clad in a black jacket by the pool just sitting with his legs propped on the table. When he got up after we passed him, I started getting a little panicky. I looked back twice before the 4 of us reached that little tunnel bit before the elevator at B1 and he was still following us. (Yikes!) All of us were aware he was following us now so walked a little faster. There was a collective sense of relief when the elevator from G reached and opened at -2 before the suspicious looking man got to the landing. I pushed the >< button several times just to make sure he couldn't make the elevator doors open again. Phew indeed! All this in just a minute or less. I was so scared my hands were shaking when I opened my door, stepped safely inside (with a sigh of relief no less) and locked it quickly behind me. Thank goodness I wasn't alone and thank goodness he didn't come straight up to us. I don't know what we'd have to do then. Run for our lives probably. (I was prudently wearing sneakers just now... no high heels for me tonight...) Please walk your friends home guys.

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On a lighter note, Michelle and a bunch of us were talking about the difference between being a 'dirty' and 'messy' person. It became a general consensus that 'dirty' requires the person to not only be untidy but also be able to 'forget' about food and other perishable items and allow them to rot all over the place and a 'messy' person is just a person who puts everything not in their rightful place. I am a 'dirty' person, no question or doubt whatsoever. Haha! The first step to improvement they say is being able to acknowledge the condition. I'm at step 1. I think I'll forever be stuck at step 1 at this rate. I've been messy and dirty all my life. It produces good product for orientation but besides that I think I've had enough crap in my system to give me resistance to a whole lot of pathogens. I say to Kah Heng (who's apparently moving in on Monday), 'You're moving in with an extremely dirty person!' =P I hope this won't jeopaordize our friendship =) My brother can testify to the state of my toilet when he got here. It was so filthy he cleaned it for me (thank you little brother, you're the best =P). Then again, when I do start cleaning I can't stop. I also clean when I'm stressed or angry or upset or just plain sad. My mother does that too... when things are especially pissy that day she'll start banging around with the broom and cleaning rag. I'm becoming more like my mother little by little each day... That's scary too... sigh...


So here's that Friday night thing we did. Amelia, Racine, ME, Stephanie and Christina in order of how we were standing. I hope this works. The first time I'm putting up a video =P. Don't tell me if it's bad. We enjoyed it. Different kind of dance. We were last on the line-up though, which sucked. Bleh! I messed up the ending though... that's why the hands clash in some parts.

Wordplay

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I'm tired of studying and studying... and studying. 18 notes to go before Friday afternoon. I'm hardly stressed. I can't tell if I'm just numb from all that's happened or maybe I'm handling it so well I just don't realize. In any case, my internet is working for the moment so I'm blogging FROM HOME... haha. Amused so easily, aye? I added music today! It's amazing how just pasting a little line from somewhere else can put music on a site. Now if I can just add that video... =P The title of the song is 'Cannonball' by Damien Rice, the guy that did that other song from 'Closer'. You know what's another interesting song? 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails. I'm not sure if I've said that before... I used it for the last IMCC I taught to dance, and act, and be bitchy... went with the bitchy stereotype that time... he got into finals but didn't win. I screamed my lungs out in support when he went up. I thought he did quite well, considering he didn't look the kind... but all IMCCs get into character what with all the make-up, heels and the hype =) And we made his outfit out of tent canvas and rivets. All materials were from a hardware store all the way in Taipan because the only DIY that we knew (thanks to Kah Heng) that sells tent canvas in red, blue, yellow and a few other colours is in Taipan. That was one long drive to a place I haven't been to since the choir thing that we had at the Starbucks in Taipan Christmas of 2005. Good times... I remember that one picture that came up in the slide show thing we had after the whole choir thing was over =) The choir was quite out of tune though... after watching the video... hee hee... ah well, we did try.

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Try to think up a word that has three Os...

I play this game when I'm bored... when I'm in the bus to Seremban Hospital. =P

Can you think of any?

Opposition
Coordination
Monotony
Composition
Proposition...

maybe too easy...

How about 4? I only got one on the way back from Seremban... maybe I was sleepy =P

Monotonous
Protozoon? Anyone can think of anymore? Let's get interactive! =P right...

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I've been losing a lot of hair lately. I think I must've lost at least a hundred strands that day I was stressing about mock osce... blah... By the time it's EOS 5 I'll probably be nearly bald. Excuse to shave then. Now that would cause a scene... I think my brother would choke on his own saliva from laughing so much. And a lot of other people would think I'm nuts. But isn't it better to shave than to be bald? Probably why so many balding guys shave all their hair off... Better to be bald by choice than by heredity. Then again that's not really a choice... denial.

Digital diarrhoea in roves, no? =P I'm just trying to relax. I lost my pendrive a long time ago. It had my journal in it. Now it's gone, along with all that was in the last hard disk I had in this laptop that had pictures and another journal. All I have left is this blog and a new 1gig pendrive. Even my back-up upped and died on me. It was probably for the best. Those entries where from the worst parts of me. And without the need for censure we are always at our most honestly ugly. Reading back makes me cringe. Not from the bad grammar or analogies but from the way I used to think. Hopefully I've changed. Don't tell if I haven't =P No one listens to anyone else when they're told their bad anyway.

Back to the books... or rather papers... 1 down 17 to go...


I'm too lazy to put anything in chronological order. So yeap... basically what I've been doing for the past 2 months. The one with the nice dresses were taken during IMU Ball, obviously. Haha :)


I didn't even know Bryan took a picture of the bottom of my dress.



Getting a fake tattoo in Jonker Street, Malacca. The lady was pretty good. We ate for three straight days that weekend. It was delicious!

A much better picture of me with Esther than the one on Kah Heng's blog. At Nouvo after the ball. I did have too much to drink that night. Haha!

At Poppy with some fella checking me out =P

The day I got my hair dyed orange and purple

One of the many times after dancing the night away at Zouk

I'm at my 14th note out of 47 lectures notes for CNS. yay! hahah... I guess I'm not so far off schedule. 6 notes a day as usual a few days before the exam... Still trying to figure out how to cut that Friday nite video so I can put the Ninja thing we did here. Hehe. Yep, back to studying :)

Emo time.

The one I love has left for a far away land. I am sad and happy at the same time. Sad because we may not be able to meet ever again but happy for him because he's going to a new place with new experiences and new people to meet. Amazingly I have not cried as much as I thought I would. Every poem, every letter I have tried to write comes out disjointed, like I haven't the faintest clue as to what I want to say, but that's because I really don't know what to say. I cannot scream and shout because it is beyond my control. I cannot object because there is nothing anyone can do. So I sit, stand, walk, stone, quietly because I don't want to say anymore to disrupt myself or to make it anymore difficult than it already is for anyone. I'm functioning quite well considering the circumstances. In another time I think I would've just stopped or cried till I thought I was going blind, like I did before. All I have left is to surrender to Fate and Destiny and Luck and Old Man Time and to all the powers that be. Let them be kind to both of us. So till we meet again, I wish you love and happiness. I will be good and I will be happy.

CNS coming up and I have studied 10 notes. It's next Friday... but I'll get around to it. Haha.

My brother is coming to KL next week for interview at IMU, a day before CNS summative.

Kah Heng is moving into the small room in my apartment. For two months. Go figure.

I'm putting Adelaide as my first choice and Dalhousie as my fifth now. If I do get Dal I'd think it was meant to be. I'm such a romantic... then again that's what my Dad said too... "if you get Dalhousie then you're fated to go la."

Nothing much to report... there's an interesting site I found a while ago. http://www.markryden.com. It's an artist's site. He did the Michael Jackson 'Dangerous' album cover. If you're too bored and have nothing to do =) and http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com if you feel like reading about other people's secrets. Some of the postcards were featured on some music video too. They update every Sunday so ya get new dirty little secrets to read. Some of them are quite stupid.

In your arms/I fall into another heaven/The kind only found/once/every lifetime/You've fed me/FeatherSoftLove/in minute spoons/because I crave too much/too soon/You,who make me want to pull out my hair/Bang my heart against a wall/Only ever wanted/the best for me/There will never be/another like you...

Dry spell

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I have a little bit of a writer's block. As everyone should have deduced by now. I have had the time to write but everytime I'm staring at the new stark white box of a type your all important post window my fingers just can't do any talking (all this mostly either in uni or at Amelia's house but I'm in uni just right now... getting some stuff for AIR topic. Yes,I have become hardworking. I am doing my AIR topic =P then again I only pick-up when there's an exam or when there's AIR topic and occasionally when I like my PBL topic. Blah, too many things bore me too easily). Nothing philosophical or entertaining comes crashing through... not even something poetically sad (but what is entertainment to you? Is this entertaining? =P). You, dear reader, would have noticed by now, that I'm not even making complete sense (Haha!). I'm just babbling along until something interesting comes through. Oral diarrhoea... or should that be digital diarrhoea? I don't seem to have anything very important or meaningful to say these days. Just write-up after write-up of how fun life is when there's drink and friends and lots of very high decibel music blasting in one's ears. And more pictures... then again a picture is worth more than words... but that's up to the viewer's interpretation, some people just can't get more than two words out of a picture so no more 'a picture is worth more than a thousand words'. Was that interesting? Haha. Maybe I'm just getting bored of blogging. If I am, it's the end of a very long addiction to writing about my everyday life for everyday people to read so that their everyday life isn't so boring because my life is more boring than their's is. If not, you get more stories =P

I'm watching 'House MD'. It's amazingly excellent and so far after 12 episodes of it I'm still hooked with no signs of just going through the motions of finishing a season because I've started and just want to get to the end so I know what happens to the poor guy/girl/gay/lesbian/jilted lover/widow/sick child/whatever. Although now I am starting to be very sarcastic around people and talking alot like the grumpy good doctor himself. But it's only be two days. And I'm usually at home anyway so no one's been hurt. I doubt I'll ever be bitter enough to be as big a sensitive jerk as Dr. House is in every episode. At least I hope I don't. If they made every CSU video like an episode of House, more of us would remember it. But I doubt our lecturers are very good actors, maybe a bottle of vodka and some dramatic hospital-drama-like music would do the trick.

Sidenote: I had hospital visit today. Parle vous Anglais? Finally a patient who speaks English!! I could finally ask all the questions I wanted to ask without having to think out the answer in my head first. I was happy about that today. Didn't think hospital visit was as much a waste of time as I usually do =)

But then again Van Ren read something in the newspaper about sensitive jerks the other day and how the 'Perfect Guy' is a sensitive jerk. At first I thought the article was codswallop (this I got from a book I borrowed from Amelia. It's supposed to be synonymous with 'bollocks', 'rubbish', 'crap'... yep) but as she read on, the article turned out to be quite true. So this is the sensitive jerk (what I remember of it anyway... or what I think it should be. So much of memory is tampered by emotion anyway... doesn't matter right? As long as it entertains you =P keep in mind it is a female's point of view. Read with a touch of rationale. Haha! At least I admit we women never make sense). The sensitive jerk is a guy who is a typical man's man, who's egotistical and chauvinistic, who will say crude things at the most inconvenient of times, who will not say anything at the most confusing of times and who basically gets on your nerves because you think he's such an ass but the surprise comes when this so-called jerk can transform with cinderella-like proportions into Mr. Sugary Sweet Prince Charming when you least expect it and be the gentlemen who holds the door for you, who realizes you are tired and decides not to disturb you, who even though gets tiresomely bored of hearing a blow-by-blow of your day still sits patiently and listens anyway, who'll quietly do all the things he feels would make your day happier but without you knowing just so he can have the pleasure of seeing you happy at the end of the day. Why am I so dreamy suddenly? Blaming it on digital diarrhoea. Haha.

Getting bored and tired of sitting... I shall go do more sitting at home where I shall be gouging my brain out with more House. Maybe not gouging... gently nudding it so it'll wake up from 'it's still 3 weeks to CNS snooze mode'. Ya well... more general nothings another day =)

So much as happened since the last time I typed up the last post. Ball and Nouvo after (pictures of those when I get them... the ones in my phone are either blur or not even remotely poser-like), more Poppy sessions, going to Luna Bar (more of the toilet girls series here... when I get those as well... nice poser ones of your truly), MSK summative and losing and winning and losing at the same time. And I'm going to Malacca after this to try out what people say is mouth-wateringly good durian cendol and clumps of chicken rice ball, or is it chicken ball rice? Haha... chicken ball rice. I've been having this weirdo headache since lunchtime with Kah Heng that can't make up it's mind (a headache with a mind... haha!) whether it's coming or going... and the computer screen is making undecided jerks sideways just to irritate me.

I'm a little cranky today. I hope sleeping during the ride in the car will erase the bengis factor before I get to Malacca.

Just a whole lot of random thoughts going through my head these days. And I've been spending alot of those indoors without a laptop that works and no Astro. That spells trouble for even the most imaginatively bored of us. I'm thankful for the flashes of social interaction at those moments when I'm altogether too much of a bum to get out of the house but can't understand why the constant need to be alone is opposed by the constant want to not. I have no food in the fridge besides some eggs and lots of onions and garlic. Guess what I've been eating these few days.

I've been reading a book I borrowed from Amelia about a lady who's writing to her dead husband (who was killed by their son) about her life and their son after he'd used a few of his classmates, a teacher and a cafeteria worker as crossbow target practice. It's called, 'We need to talk about Kevin'. It's a narrative revealling how the lady realized since he was born that Kevin's one messed-up, lost, vengeful soul and that even though she didn't expect him to kill anyone, it didn't surprise her. There was once I thought if I had a kid he'd probably be the anti-Christ. Yes, laugh... I know it's funny but it was one of my fears. Reading the book reminded me of this, I admit, completely baseless and uncalled for, fear that there's a chance I might still bear the anti-Christ. Then again it would also be horrifying to have a child who's vindictive and angry the second he/she is born and who hates his/her mom. I dread the day my kid becomes an angst-filled, hormone-raging, I-am-who-I-am teenager who'll not want me to be within a 200-meter radius of him/her. And I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try my kid can still turn out a mess. That's sad...

Enough.

I don't even have anything real to blog about. Haha... ah well... I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting for time to pass me by, just as it always does. I'll write about losing and winning and losing another time... when I don't have a shifty computer screen and my head doesn't feel thick and cloudy.

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