Change Of Heart

the head and the heart are two very different things

Running clouds

Stitch in my side
A glitch I don't understand
Why you float into my dreams
Like snowfall in the winter
So softly it doesn't itch
Into the conscious
Until I sleep

In the crash of waking
The dust hankers on, lingering
Like glitter almost translucent
Glit, glittering
Is this coming from

A bittersweet taste of longing
Chemical state of the balance
Come take me away
Oh, beautiful dead of night

Run, run, running
Into the shattered glass
Shard of old memories
Fading on the touch of a feather
These hands have held more intangible

The fable of the girl with disaster hands
Stands at the edge of this precipice
Gazing down at the audience
All sadness is in impatient silence
Waiting for that fall from grace


This is a fog lifting
The ships are docking
And the quiet of morning
Calm waters of yearning, over

The little boats partnered
And the men are reeling their nets
Catch of the day
In the bag

Yellow tinge over everything
Swallow calls inviting
Warm cooked meals
Of their wives

In the space between
There is no longer a space
No loud noises to dirty the light
The remnants of yesterday
A history

Because of him, darkness is not scary
Night embraces the arms
Cricket sounds calm the senses
Black queit is no longer
White noise

And all the before
Was just a journey to
Invent this person into
That caterpillar
A butterfly

A year passes so easily
But the comfort makes
The flight, special
There is no more an I
How could there be

Music, music in the air
Always there
A ting tinkle, trinkle
Imaginary space

Completeness would be an
Oh, oh, no words
Would be

Year 2 as a house surgeon... is not different than Year 1. You get a bit more confident. You know the workings of the hospital. You learn a few more tricks.

The same jokes get told at the coffee table. But they never get old... especially when all your friends are doctors too. And no one else finds them funny, because they don't understand the jargon or the culture. It seems like we're a different breed of person, now that I'm a doctor.

It feels weird. To finish med school, get through the years then suddenly bam start work, bam a whole year has passed by. Time to get a move on the career path, time to take on more responsibility. I don't feel like an adult. But I have adult responsibilities. In my heart of hearts, I still defer to my parents. But nowadays, they are deferring to me. I'm not so sure I'm giving the right advice sometimes. It is nice to know they are loosening the reigns.

My brother appears to be making good progress in med school and life. I'm glad.

I miss my friends in KL. Looking forward to seeing them again. In 9 days. But before that, I have a week of night calls. My first set of night on-call. I dread the call where I don't know what to do and freeze. ABC ABC, call the reg now. Adrenaline rush a brush. I hate it when I come to the ward and everyone somehow breathes a relief that 'the doctor is here'. I'm only 26. I'm only a baby in a ward with 99 year olds. And I can't restrain a violent patient. I'll even need the nurse to administer the IM haldol (because I'll probably stick myself in the process)

And now for a few photos ;P

Caving with Jamie's family

Possum hunting with my parents

Staying at a super farmstay in Rotorua

Me and Jamie post-graduation. We brought my grandma to her first pub crawl - to one pub. Hehe

We gave Biggie away because we've move to a house without a plot of lawn. He's traded up, now grown so fat enough to sprain his leg, needed pig physio because he's too fat and has a girlfriend. Long live the Notorious P. I. G. :)

so graduation's done. gown and hat and walking that stage under my proud parents' and grandma's eyes. i remember again that i am not just one person and that i am a petal in this family's flower garden. i remember i am not alone and am grateful.

she ran for miles to know
stop and go slow
there's only everything left
to see
another year