Random Thought Bubbles

Ramblings on of someone still finding the way

So much as happened since the last time I typed up the last post. Ball and Nouvo after (pictures of those when I get them... the ones in my phone are either blur or not even remotely poser-like), more Poppy sessions, going to Luna Bar (more of the toilet girls series here... when I get those as well... nice poser ones of your truly), MSK summative and losing and winning and losing at the same time. And I'm going to Malacca after this to try out what people say is mouth-wateringly good durian cendol and clumps of chicken rice ball, or is it chicken ball rice? Haha... chicken ball rice. I've been having this weirdo headache since lunchtime with Kah Heng that can't make up it's mind (a headache with a mind... haha!) whether it's coming or going... and the computer screen is making undecided jerks sideways just to irritate me.

I'm a little cranky today. I hope sleeping during the ride in the car will erase the bengis factor before I get to Malacca.

Just a whole lot of random thoughts going through my head these days. And I've been spending alot of those indoors without a laptop that works and no Astro. That spells trouble for even the most imaginatively bored of us. I'm thankful for the flashes of social interaction at those moments when I'm altogether too much of a bum to get out of the house but can't understand why the constant need to be alone is opposed by the constant want to not. I have no food in the fridge besides some eggs and lots of onions and garlic. Guess what I've been eating these few days.

I've been reading a book I borrowed from Amelia about a lady who's writing to her dead husband (who was killed by their son) about her life and their son after he'd used a few of his classmates, a teacher and a cafeteria worker as crossbow target practice. It's called, 'We need to talk about Kevin'. It's a narrative revealling how the lady realized since he was born that Kevin's one messed-up, lost, vengeful soul and that even though she didn't expect him to kill anyone, it didn't surprise her. There was once I thought if I had a kid he'd probably be the anti-Christ. Yes, laugh... I know it's funny but it was one of my fears. Reading the book reminded me of this, I admit, completely baseless and uncalled for, fear that there's a chance I might still bear the anti-Christ. Then again it would also be horrifying to have a child who's vindictive and angry the second he/she is born and who hates his/her mom. I dread the day my kid becomes an angst-filled, hormone-raging, I-am-who-I-am teenager who'll not want me to be within a 200-meter radius of him/her. And I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try my kid can still turn out a mess. That's sad...

Enough.

I don't even have anything real to blog about. Haha... ah well... I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting for time to pass me by, just as it always does. I'll write about losing and winning and losing another time... when I don't have a shifty computer screen and my head doesn't feel thick and cloudy.

0 comments: