One more day left before I can pretend that everything went well and relax because I pretend I deserve it. I suppose with all that's happened around me, this is understandable. But I am not accepting it as understandable. I know I could've done better, but why didn't I? I gave up at the worst of times, in the middle of papers and while having to think about something. My mind went into blank spasms and I wondered what I was doing there in the first place. I'm not smart. I'm just a memorizing machine... who's broken at the moment and can't remember anything. So the examinations are going to hell and I'm in a fiery chariot falling into that same chasm, on a straight course to crashing and burning. Here's to all those times everyone thought I was smart. I'm not.
I'm going to fail and I'm not doing anything about it. My mind refuses to be educated and I think there's something I'm not telling myself. I'm a mental basketcase who doesn't know she's got a problem.
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