Random Thought Bubbles

sudden lifting of a heavy stone off
fresh air too long avoided
like breaking through a water surface
challenged too long to hold a breath

too many words are engraved wrongly
now to polish them off
and write new ones
lightfooted on more days
can't be carrying too much
starting is easy
carrying on is not
be lightfooted and carry little
there are changes to make

when all has been deemed lost
when there is no direction to speak of
when the body is tired of personal thoughts
when rattling one's cage no longer makes a sound

the hospital saves hahah.

being in hospital made me happy today

being busy at hospital made me calm

having a defined role to play gave me reason

in the midst of sick people

back to the drawing block
erase the plans
erase the lines and the curves
be free
there's no use running
erase the words

i've been here before
not to hard really
just decide
10secs does make difference
there is always tomorrow
just not for everything that you want

i release myself of all these chains
that i hold myself in

i give myself permission to move
anywhere i please

if only to change myself
i shall choose freedom

one last time be moulded
now to release all resentment

no more ridiculous pleading
no more talk of regret

i am tired of settling for just someone else
but i shall try to pick carefully

show me where to go
you whom everyone calls a higher power

i'm listening
i want to be fixed in time

don't no one try to fix me
it doesn't ever work

i am too much a wild flower
too much a liability in waiting

now to be less of that
but still everything i am

tight seize at the centre of a chest
calls out for a warm hand
fingers wring in hopes of some relief
some escape
but i can't let myself escape any longer
the scrapes, scratches loom so close.
sweet surrender, i can't hold your hand
i've been broken down into pieces
and put together too many times
always in a different combination
until i can't remember what i was in the first place
human, girl, animal, nothing
and everything in between
i'm trying to be better
didn't realize all those years would break me
and every crack has a crack over it
every scar has a new wound covering it
and glue is sticking out in weird directions
i'm a composite of all of them
each one left a print
that i carry with me encumbered
burdens i try to relinquish
but that return at morning time
i need to fix myself
i need to fix myself
but how?

walk on the sidewalk on a sunny day
suddenly the sky turns overcast
the sun disappears behind the clouds
a dull twilight to be caught in rain
without an umbrella
can't remember the last time
i ran
or laughed while being stained
clean by raindrop driplets

one, two, three
take a deep breath
say the right words without
shoving a foot into the mouth
couldn't conversations be perfect
like those scripted verses
in the movies
where heroes always win
and time skips by the frame
to a sunset and silhouettes
of an idea of happiness

10secs can make a difference
bump a glass vase
catch or fall? 10secs...
slow motion of hands
stretched out in praise
leap of faith
choose a standstill
crash of glass?
unrewindable
10secs from then

you scare the shit out of people... and then they don't see how scared you are

brown wings unremarkable
free from chains
a moth flew in
and stayed a while
he thought he would be safe
or she thought
good night, good day
a year passes by
like sand and clasped fingers
thug of a thick rope
i could not recognize
and then a moth flew in
a year, a year.
every year.

i'm watching gia at the moment. it's fast becoming one of my favourite movies.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, sylvia, amelie, memento, city of glass and anything mellow, sad, dramatic or just depressing.

how do you know when a junkie is lying? her lips are moving

i'm a junkie.

falling sick... or feel like i'm falling sick...

a bpd person makes for a very good yoyo. chronic feelings of emptiness indeed not offset by periods of satisfaction. sigh.

fix myself. how do i fix myself? how does a person who constantly undermines herself fix it?

skin. fingers. hands. eyes. lips. where did they all go? they regroup in mist clouds. out of focus. like looking through frosted glass. looking through ice, that doesn't melt. smell. sound. that lingers on for ages. after the memory of touch erodes. after fragments of time become hazy and yellow round the edges.

what do you do with a junkie girl who has no love? you forget the time. times.

you always think you have all the time in the world. tomorrow, tomorrow. there's always more time for other things. then suddenly a transparent thin slice of ceiling you thought would hold breaks through.

having myself wrapped up neatly into a few lines of criteria is useless

i knew all that

but i can't kick myself out of it just yet

at least i can now say nope to one of the criteria out of the two i could say no to. i'm slowly growing out of this. but i regress too much. backslide too much. it's like fighting quicksand. to think you're getting somewhere. and then everything seems to overwhelm and you don't think straight. the brain turns to cotton wool mush in a matter of seconds. and what passes for a heart turns to cold glass. that leaves nothing to lead. reality turns into a living dream and every move seems inconsequential. too many lapses in judgment. until i undermine my goal. to give myself the satisfaction of realizing yet another abandonment.

i don't want to settle for another person. enough of that.

There are a bunch of people on the psych run now and i was reading through one of the textbooks. i have borderline personality disorder. =P

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. yep

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. yep

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. yep

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. yep

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior nope

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). yep

7. chronic feelings of emptiness yep

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) nope

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms yep

6 out of 9

The DSM IV goes on to say:

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder have a pattern of unstable and intense relationships (Criterion 2). They may idealize potential caregivers or lovers at the first or second meeting, demand to spend a lot of time together, and share the most intimate details early in a relationship. However, they may switch quickly from idealizing other people to devaluing them, feeling that the other person does not care enough, does not give enough, is not "there" enough. These individuals can empathize with and nurture other people, but only with the expectation that the other person will "be there" in return to meet their own needs on demand. These individuals are prone to sudden and dramatic shifts in their view of others, who may alternately be seen as beneficent supports or as cruelly punitive. Such shifts often reflect disillusionment with a caregiver who nurturing qualities had been idealized or whose rejection or abandonment is expected.

There may be an identity disturbance characterized by markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (Criterion 3). There are sudden and dramatic shifts in self-image, characterized by shifting goals, values, and vocational aspirations. There may be sudden changes in opinions and plans about career, sexual identity, values, and types of friends. These individuals may suddenly change from the role of a needy supplicant for help to a righteous avenger of past mistreatment. Although they usually have a self-image that is based on being bad or evil, individuals with this disorder may at times have feelings that they do not exist at all. Such experiences usually occur in situations in which the individual feels a lack of meaningful relationship, nurturing and support. These individuals may show worse performance in unstructured work or school situations.

Individuals with this disorder display impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (Criterion 4). They may gamble, spend money irresponsibly, binge eat, abuse substances, engage in unsafe sex, or drive recklessly. Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder display recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior (Criterion 5). Completed suicide occurs in 8%-10% of such individuals, and self-mutilative acts (e.g., cutting or burning) and suicide threats and attempts are very common. Recurrent suicidality is often the reason that these individuals present for help. These self-destructive acts are usually precipitated by threats of separation or rejection or by expectations that they assume increased responsibility. Self-mutilation may occur during dissociative experiences and often brings relief by reaffirming the ability to feel or by expiating the individual’s sense of being evil.

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder may display affective instability that is due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) (Criterion 6). The basic dysphoric mood of those with Borderline Personality Disorder is often disrupted by periods of anger, panic, or despair and is rarely relieved by periods of well-being or satisfaction. These episodes may reflect the individual’s extreme reactivity troubled by chronic feelings of emptiness (Criterion 7). Easily bored, they may constantly seek something to do. Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder frequently express inappropriate, intense anger or have difficulty controlling their anger (Criterion 8). They may display extreme sarcasm, enduring bitterness, or verbal outbursts. The anger is often elicited when a caregiver or lover is seen as neglectful, withholding, uncaring, or abandoning. Such expressions of anger are often followed by shame and guilt and contribute to the feeling they have of being evil. During periods of extreme stress, transient paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms (e.g., depersonalization) may occur (Criterion 9), but these are generally of insufficient severity or duration to warrant an additional diagnosis. These episodes occur most frequently in response to a real or imagined abandonment. Symptoms tend to be transient, lasting minutes or hours. The real or perceived return of the caregiver’s nurturance may result in a remission of symptoms.

Associated Features and Disorders

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder may have a pattern of undermining themselves at the moment a goal is about to be realized (e.g., dropping out of school just before graduation; regressing severely after a discussion of how well therapy is going; destroying a good relationship just when it is clear that the relationship could last). Some individuals develop psychotic-like symptoms (e.g., hallucinations, body-image distortions, ideas of reference, and hypnotic phenomena) during times of stress. Individuals with this disorder may feel more secure with transitional objects (i.e., a pet or inanimate possession) than in interpersonal relationships. Premature death from suicide may occur in individuals with this disorder, especially in those with co-occurring Mood Disorders or Substance-Related Disorders. Physical handicaps may result from self-inflicted abuse behaviors or failed suicide attempts. Recurrent job losses, interrupted education, and broken marriages are common. Physical and sexual abuse, neglect, hostile conflict, and early parental loss or separation are more common in the childhood histories of those with Borderline Personality Disorder. Common co-occurring Axis I disorders include Mood Disorders, Substance-Related Disorders, Eating Disorders (notably Bulimia), Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder also frequently co-occurs with the other Personality Disorders.

watch 'accepted'. it's funny and quite happyfying =)

it's some movie about some guy who accidentally created his own college because he couldn't get into any real colleges since he's such a slacker. =))))

end up watching movies instead of studying. haha. stress less.

another day tomorrow! tackle the cold, try to look interested and try to not ask silly questions.

Jungle roar of my alarm, the start of another day
Dead of my room, the dark mornings of winter
Dread i move from the comforts of blankets
Into the cold i go, into a scalding hot shower
Draping layers to brave another day

I hate cold mornings. No fun running to and from showering.

3rd day surgery. Haven't been to OT yet. presented 2 patients today. at least i did something. paper round with 5 consultants, 3 registrars, house surgeon, TI and charge nurse is scary. everyone is looking at you while you present. imagine if you make an ass of yourself. i presented once today. sweating in my shoes for the 2 mins. haha.

coming home from clinics on a bus i suddenly feel satisfied with the day.

icy cold fingers like an icy cold heart
just about blue from the lack of
and halfway through there's too much blood in the way
thump of a red squish too insignificant to distinguish
from a fly on the wall learning inconspicuous
lining eyes black to manifest a mask
acceptable to all in the audience
blue is a thread through
running from pillar to pillar
of a shiny coloured hourglass crack
in the wall of this thump squish
careless hands grab at the last strands
of what doesn't remain and pretend
maybe there is a sliver of hope
because hope is all there is
left
tinkle creak creep sudden sounds
no, nothing there
just another nightmare
in reverse
no answer to any call
wall silence, wall face,
plain whiteness built in place
i built in place
and crumbled at my own work
the in-between unseen, meaning undone
the same as nothing
precious nothing.
icy cold hands, like an icy cold heart
icy cold heart deserves an icy cold empty bed.

now only do i understand why white people love the sun.

having lotsa cold weather is quite depressing and you do start to crave warm warm sunshine.

it was cold enough last night that my joints ached. ecks.

=P

i miss ...

i'm just waiting around for the test time...

i miss

i need more long sleeve clothes. i'm so gonna freeze

routine is beginning to bore me. but i shall resist. from clicking.

counting more days. clean. unclicked.

i had a dream

and a strange name came up

bela fleck was the bartender and he asked me if i wanted a b52

and he said here's looking at you kid with a gentle knock on my chin

where did that come from?

and i don't watch old movies either... so very strange

shouldn't i be in more pain that this?

feeling weird these few days.

still remembering

counting more days for different reasons

disturbing thoughts rush by often
the kind of black macawbe and disgusting goo
is there nothing sacred?
blink of a strobe light brings senses back
sick shivers up the spine till it chokes
stamping out evil
but fearful how often it does

bad karma spreads like a virus

and i'm emotionally retarded

reading surgery tutorials

omg

so much to know

tired from reading

good... fall straight to sleep in a bit

how the hell do people remember all this and remember it for a long time as well?

i'm running with a pair of scissors in my hands
and they've been bloodied beyond recognition
every cut made intentionally
every time blinded to all that
and then i scream injustice unfairly

still can't cut loose of this damned bubble wrap

i cleaned out the corner
and now it no longer has a memory

skin crawls at the thoughts

drip drip drip
thick red, no it's green.
not human, barely
temporary lapse of judgment

only forever miles to go now

been so happy to go back to class

busy days just staring at notes and papers and books. sounds so much better than staring into space.

no more staring at the screen willing myself not to click or type but failing.

i'm glad for at least the one niceness.

snap out of this, bloody hell

about turn here

be quiet to

--------------------

it does hurt more to

---------------------

leave alone

live alone

---------------------

(about turning here)

there's a space in the middle
pouring out a whole lot of nothing
into a whole lot of nothing
and it makes a feeling unbearable

and there's a little sound like whimpering
but not quite
and a lot of noisy breathing
just to keep the air clear

hyperventilating

to keep the head clear

on the edge
on the edge

i'm on my own

where does that leave the morning?

and there it is

the thing sharper than a double-edged sword

stabbed stabbed stabbed

green sliding off this dress

stab me in the heart now please

with something sharper than a double-edged sword

because i have a heart of pure stone

maybe i was confused

but i think i'm quite stuck

in this rut

i can't

kick free

a man says move

and i can just about budge

a little

but

cannot

wriggle free

shiver quiet in the death of night
a silver sliver of shiny light
she calls out to the dark shadows
her voice echoes back

what then does that mean?
turned monster now then?
no turning back now then?
no starting over now then?

the black hills hide from the sun
long ago sunrise from a curtainless window
warmth from a familiar hand
never more.

again that plastic gaze, smile to melt the world
and fail at the one who matters most
fall at the grey ruins and plead your case
the wise tree cannot help you

i'm on my own

practised lines whispered in flight
feign a shudder of fear to fool
learn, learning, learnt
staying that way, happy?

i'm on my own

shudder a real fear
under covers away from the collectives
under covers away from eyes
i am on my own

condemn those collective mouths

enough whispering

should i then portray only a quietness that isn't me

and to slither into blackness and silence in surrender

enough

i am beaten. leave me be

condemn those collective mouths

i can't sleep

i'm restless

i'm up all night watching video after video on youtube... all meaningless... barely entertaining.

there is the quiet of being alone

there is the simplicity of being free

and there is the tugging at my heart

downhill starts here... cycle 2

2months of silence

not too much to ask

2months of silence

silence

last blog entry. see you all in 2 months

to find someone you love you have to be someone you love

these four walls will be my friends. at least they don't bite back and they don't talk and they don't make mistakes

at least i'll be losing the weight... sigh.

stab stab stab, stabbed

how can someone this beautiful be so ugly?

how can someone say she wants something so badly and do the exact opposite?

how can someone understand only so late?

turn back, you who are spiralling, before it's too late.

run, run like hell, before it's too late

everything that reminds i don't avoid

when before i would've, so that i'd forget

scrub away, rub out, scratch off

even something simple like vanilla coke

when before i would've blanked out

frantically grabbing for any strand of rubbish

that i may be relieved of any open wounds

may this wound never heal

may i carry it the remainder of the days

no more slipping, no more slipping

no more next times

this life

and i can only sit back and pain at what my own hands have done

no self-pity but only regret that i didn't stay changed

this burden i will not relinquish to yet another excuse

so that it will serve to remind, to reprimand, to punish

that i will never forget

one moment to erase made me erased

no excuse, no excuse, these actions were uncalled

everyday for a long time i will write think

till these walls are empty of that selfish monster child

dear moth i wronged you, brushed you under another ugly bruise

no more hiding, i remember you too.

odd silencing of the turmoil within from before

when all was clear to all but not clear to me

odd white noise shushing, shushing that child

and i can hear my heart beat every step

thunk thunk, empty heart, thunk thunk

i dare not move in fear of my own shadow

they will be staring and pointing and spitting

i dare not move in fear

such a weak mind, such a weak spirit

be changed be changed for goodness sake be changed

assignments still need to be done

exams need to taken and passed

people will still tell me bluntly

days cannot be passed sitting blankly at the screen

nights cannot be just slept through

and i must learn to not just move on and start over and not learn from my mistakes.

because moving on and starting over has always been easy

too late again but i'm stopping here. just stopping.

why stuff up when i was so close

why go off the track when i was so near the finishing line

why the same mistake when i thought i'd learnt

why sink here again when i was there

why throw everything away when so much was at stake

why test the strength of a person when i didn't have to

why push everyone away

why not work for the very thing i wanted

why not just stop

why not just think

why not just be a decent human being

why lie

why hide

why hold back when i should've been putting everything into it

why keep quiet when things should've been said

why

and let me have the strength to change

and stay changed

i'm staying

erase me, lest i forget

erase all those times and moments, nothing to you now

erase all thought, all care, lest i should widdle back

erase sound and image and memory, meaningless now

erase words and promises, ashes and dust

erase all dreams each of us had

erase all hope, i broke that, amongst all other things

erase, erase, erase...

i'll stay, maybe too late, to stay.

one step forward, a lifetime steps back

more steps forward, don't look back.

erase erase erase

i lost faith a long time ago. faith in everything. and then i lost everything. it sounds like self-pity but it's not. i say it as a fact. i lost everything. some sick part of me is satisfied that i lost everything because it proved her right. that everyone leaves in the end so why try. sick sick sick. what sane person would come up with that?

if losing everything is what i had to have happen to me to learn, so be it.

swish, swish,

pariah stands to face the crowd

swish, swish,

pariah falls to the ground

swish, swish,

pariah learns the magnitude of actions

swish, swish,

pariah remembers only now

swish, swish,

pariah faces the black rain

accepts that change must begin

swish,

black rain don't let pariah forget

stop, stop making the same mistakes again.

to him who loved me, to him who trusted.

i have wronged you terribly.

the world should continue its rampage.

throw every arrow and stone and wooden slipper at me.

there's nowhere lower i could go

is busy. try again later.

i say i am wrong. i deserve no less punishment than to be publicly stoned.

and i need a shrink. a person cannot be this stupid without a psych problem.

this is a pretty shell with an ugly content. glittering gold and silver only to reveal a mucky grey no one should expect. then to think there are so many one could offer but don't. because there are so many reasons a person is selfish. so who are we but humans who make mistakes? some lesser than others? count those lucky who have the self respect. count those foolish who have no strength. in one landslide lose a love. in one flash lose a minute. in one sentence lose a faith. in one word lose a life.

i only repent too late. i have no faith and i have no backbone. there, i said it. to the world, i say i am nothing. nothing. empty shell of a human being not worth saving. do your worst. thank you consequence for kicking me in the face. because that was what i needed to learn. thank you bad mistakes. thank you lies. thank you. because i never learn from you. i dare backslide yet again and yet again i never learn and repent only too late. why is doing the right thing so difficult? why is being a decent person so much to ask? why must i insist on ruining myself? why must i insist on becoming stained? why can't i just stick to being good? why am i so impatient? why so stupid? why so lost? why so selfish? why so self-centred? why must everything be about me? why can't i just think about other people? why push away everyone who cares? why hurt the ones i love?

i feel i've just lost everything.

to change out of this skin,
that's worn and torn and

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Sun, Me, Kalpa. Behind us is the marina where there's a bunch of sailboats... It's quite nice really =) but too bad I didn't catch it =P

Another random bit of my time here... we had a plaster session one day and we got to put casts on each other. That was a fun afternoon =)

Dhivyan - Mr. Plaster my arm man and Wei San with her cast =D

This is my casted arm =) It's quite hot in a cast, haha, and also quite tight in there =P

This is the saw you cut it open with. It's very cool... you'll never be able to saw through someone's arm, unless you deliberately rub it against the skin repeatedly. I don't know how it works but it saws through the cast but won't cut skin if you go too deep.

So yep, haven't been doing much aside from sitting around after hospital time at the end of the day and studying and possibly exacerbating my herniated disc and altogether looking so very forward to the weekends. It's just such a shame that Saturdays and Sundays go by too quickly.

And since I'm such a narcissist, here's a picture of me before I cut my hair, out at a BBQ at some park with someone else's shades on =) Look quite the duh but I don't care! =D

I cut my hair again!

Free!

Front side =)

Right side

Left side

It's gewd... and she only took 45min... because she only has 45min to cut, blow and style the do on the competition day itself. I was quite impressed. She had out her little pink, extremely jewelled flip phone out to time herself. So happy! I love it... even though I've already had one comment that it looks dyke-ish. Haha!

Other than the haircut my days here have been interesting enough. I'm on my anaesthetics run right now so it's alot of operating theatre time and lots of watching people being put to sleep and people being woken up. I got to do a few IV cannulas and intubated once and yep... generally trying to appear as interested as I can... yep yep... I MISS KL! But Auckland okay too =D

Hey peeps!

This is the airport =)

The whole bunch of us pushing our carts to the bus

Timothy in front of the bus - people always stop for zebra crossings here =)

Must mengada and take photo at every chance you get k? We're young and wrinkle-free only once =) (unless you pay for a face-lift=P)

In ze bus

I must take one of myself obviously =P

This is my room at the moment. I twin-share but I don't have a room-mate at the moment so I've got a big room all to myself =P

This is the other side of the room where I put my laptop and where the window is

And this is what's outside my window =)

The weather's kinda nice when it's windy. It's like being in an air-con place all the time. I guess like Genting lah. Not super cold when windy. But without the wind the hot's about the same as KL. Haha! So yep, shorts and spaghetti straps for me!

I'm off to bed. My head's doing funny woozy swirls while I type this sentence. Missing everyone loads!! =)

i'm afraid...

i'm leaving too many people/places/things behind...

sigh...

My drinking partner and me

What's left of us (minus Gowri) went to send off Jeb, Kai and Bryan off. The getting there and saying hi and bye was so quick for Jeb and Kai that I hardly felt anything aside from a slight tugging at the back of my heart because our group is getting yet again smaller as the days go by. Ms. Jebbrine and Mr. Sheng Kai both had overly heavy luggage so each had to remove items from their well-packed suitcases. Jebbrine is, sadly, to do without shampoo and a bunch of other toiletries (she's left with one tube of toothpaste... at least there's that... haha!) I don't know what happened with Kai's stuff but he was only 3kg over and the mean pig behind the counter didn't let him through... that's rubbish.

We saw Jeb first =)

Looks like Oxford Clinical Handbook is Jeb's as her going away present... I dunno... *shrug* it is useful =)

Then we met Kai at McD... Kah Heng was at Burger King... he didn't actually see Sheng Kai off in the end... =P

There were family goodbyes and tears... As we watched Jeb and Kai go slowly down the escalator (I really do think they make those escalators snail rate slow for the express purpose of adding dramatic effect for farewells) Ling Wei finally banjir'ed a bit post Jeb/Kai farewell. Improvement from when Amelia and Lina (SeeLaw... haha) left when one crying Samantha gave way to a waterfall effect of crying girls. The only thing left to do then was to sit around and wait for Mr. I need to take the night flight Bryan to make his way to the airport to board his flight.

And while we were at Burger King... Brandon met someone who made him feel small.

We couldn't reach Bryan all afternoon and finally when he did call back he didn't even know we were going to be there. Haha! He got a new haircut (at A Cut Above where he not only got a haircut but also got conned into buying OSIS clay, not because he needs it but because the person persuaded him to... slave to advertising I see... haha!) and a new necklace with three rings interlaced as a pendant.

The note Kah Heng is holding up is our make-do voucher redeemable for one belated birthday present... we haven't gotten Bry his birthday present yet... eeps! O_o So cheapo... hehe!

B/W candid shot try #2

We all got ice-cream because he felt bad for making us wait around =) well you didn't need to, Bryan, we were there because we wanted to send you off, silly =) We took the usual group and solo photos and his mom made the comment of him not even taking picture with her so we took picture for them... haha... so Auntie Jenny shall be sent photos by one of us =) Then when I thought it was safe to go back without tears, I banjir hugging him, just before he got onto that slow slow farewell escalator. WAAAAAA!!! My drinking buddy's going off to Adelaide! That suddenly hit me. So strange... I really didn't expect it. Anyway, aku banjir then Ling Wei pulak banjir haha... she's so prone to crying on witnessing other people crying =P

This is Bryan and his mom and if you squint you can see his ring pendant

Then we all went home to Seremban. Really... the Bukit Jalil/Subang people didn't take a left turn and ended up in Seremban... Then went all the way back to KL again... hahah...

(I've been trying to post this up for ages but the kecohppl blog is still in old blogger and none of the pictures ever add... EESSH! So it shall be here =P)

This is as far as two people can take pictures of themselves =P

After a while of trying very hard to pose with christmas displays, we start posing in front of lexus cars

Seriously it was too early in the morning for antics