I initially had a nice long and very reflective version of this post all typed out. However, Internet Explorer decided to screw me over. So I am starting over.
Another year has passed. I am almost 21. I am still fundamentally flawed. Nothing much has changed. I still have the same hairstyle, probably dyed two colours too weird but I don't care and I haven't grown to the 5' 7" I wish I could be, nor will I ever. I am still the lazy bum, the last minute procrastinator, the last minute everything. I always thought turning 21 would mean a sudden dawning of adulthood and all the responsible characteristics that come with it. Nope, I don't feel a dawning and I definitely don't feel more responsible, although I think I've been mostly quite good with the being responsible. I am still a child at the end of it all.
I learnt a few difficult lessons this year, most of which I would rather have not been made to sit through, but each has made me a better person and made me realize how little of the world, of other people and of myself I deign to really know. The most difficult is learning to be a happy and contented single-person. It took me the good part of the year to sally myself out of my self-pity and regret and initiate proper friendships with my friends. I'm glad I've got this particular bunch too. They've stuck even when I never really hung out with them much and they were there when I needed them. I thought it was a pretty sucky year till about August when I started going out into the world proper again. I suppose I'd prefer not to comment about the front part of the year, everything's been said and done over enough. Spending time with my friends made me realize how much I'd been missing in Sem 1 and 2 and half of 3. I don't mind really because the time I was away with someone else, I was happy. In any case, I was surprised to find that they'd lend a hand, ear, shoulder, money, foot if the need would ever arise. I'm thankful every day that things turned out the way they did (well, all except two things). So I am thankful for learning to be a happy single and for realizing I have really good friends here.
My family are at this moment at church waiting for mass to start. I am supposed to be sharing the pew with them and my dad will be in the choir. But I am not lonely because I am still going home tomorrow (hopefully not to too much nagging from my mother). There is a purpose to this waiting. Another lesson, idle thoughts and idle hands are really the devil's workshop. I won't care to elaborate.
I think I'm writing this down so there'll be a place I can come back to and remind myself later. Too many things can only be frozen in video or in a photo. Even memories decay and distort with emotion and time.
Second difficult lesson, let go when the time comes. I'm bad at endings. I still am, but I think I'm improving.
Another lesson, don't call, don't sms, don't bother. I'm one of those people who are relentless at endings. I have learnt to be otherwise. I was also clingy. I have learnt to be otherwise. And I have learnt to not read between the lines when it comes to the male gender. They mean what they say, or less than what I think. My brother says I should write about my life... but I think I would be too stereotype to be of any use to anyone save being commercially profitable (if anyone would want to read it!).
Time to get back to cleaning (the room is still dirty and the laundry is still in the living room) and wrapping presents (it's surprisingly very calming).
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