Random Thought Bubbles

Don't leave...

But it's just not working...

It will be better...

No, it won't. It's just going to be the same, again and again. And we'll just go through the motions, until there's nothing left to say...

I think we're already there...

So, another time it is the end of the line. Why do sad endings happen by when it rains? Thunder and lightning fail so miserably to numb the deafening silence that ensues. Nothing else matters then. Even the rain is guilty of forgotten memories of a different past.

The walls turn a shade of blue I don't recognize, whilst split second moments rush by me like a broken tape in fast forward. The confusion envelops me so chokingly tight I cannot say a word. All the hopes, words, moments that I dreamed of, wanted to say, wanted to share, all dashed in that one flash of a disaster. And all I can think about is, 'What can I do to fix this?' even when my mind knows it is the unspeakable end. I grapple for any thing that could be done to turn the situation around, anything... but in my heightened state my heart tricks my tongue into blurting sentences that don't make sense. A reason becomes an excuse. Love becomes manipulation. (No, no... love doesn't exist... not just now anyway)

In all this, I only wish the ends were silent during, not after because no reasons, no excuses, no explanations can move someone just then. If only, if only... those words ring throughout the nights that follow. The incessant repetitions of particular mistakes and remakes of them serve only to plague the mind into hoping that one day, a rewind, erase and replay button to life might be made. Oh yes, if only... if only words said could remain true forever, talk being so cheap nowdays...

My demons have become quiet now. Sometimes I like to revisit them because even they keep me company at night.