Since I've been back I've felt better about myself than I have since everything went downhill when I was in KL. I can't say I am completely out of rehab but I'm getting there. Falling out of love is painful alright. I think I had the cushion of needing to concentrate on other things more important at that time to keep me off the real pain of separation. Blogging has also been therapeutic, and so has going to the gym and spending more time with my friends. A mix of endorphins, good company and concrete self-will got me through this without going insane. I assumed after everything important got out of the way that I'd grief for another ending (and cry my eyes out. Generally being a sulky post-break-up person) but I surprised even myself when I picked myself up faster than I've ever done before. Usually I'm the kind who'll sit in a corner to wallow in self-pity and create more scenarios to plague my already weary mind and heart (the kind that replays and replays with all sorts of different endings... what if I'd done this? or said that? would it have been different? bla bla bla... that happens to make me sick too. Why did I torture myself like that?). The most crucial lesson I learnt from all my endings was that the worse will always pass, but before that happened I'd have to sit tight, grit my teeth and ride the waves. I can't remember if I've said that before. Something tells me I have. I guess after enough times I've learnt that it's better to sit back and take the hits instead of fight. It makes the rough riding so much easier. And that to love is always easier than to hate. Sigh. I always learn too late. I'm hoping one day I'll learn before it's too late and probably save from hurting another person and then the pieces of THE puzzle will fall into place. Until then... sigh...
Since I'm on the topic of progress... I got weighed again today at the gym and so did Ling Tze. She lost a little weight and lost a lot on her fat %, like 10%!! I gained 0.6kg (haha... quite good since I've been bingeing like crazy) and lost about 6% fat... MUAHAHA!! But then again, we did go to the gym religiously for a whole month. I am now officially more muscle than fat (20.2% fat as a matter of fact) compared to when I got back a month ago (which was about 26%). I feel good. Hehe. According to the scale thingy that measured our weights and body this-and-that percentages, I have an 'athletic' body type... WAH... haha. Yeah RIGHT I'm thinking. Still no defined abs though :( the only boo-boo in this whole paragraph.
I hope I can keep this up when I'm back in KL. It would suck to let this go. I like me more now.
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