Random Thought Bubbles

I had my hair cut at the Alan Salon in Brunei a few days ago. Apparently Mr Alan's got quite a few awards... but he wasn't around and I wanted my haircut so someone else cut my hair. Anyway, after being spoilt rotten by William, I keep fearing that any other haircut I get by any other hairdresser might turn out bad. But I've been meaning to get a haircut for a while now and I can't keep relying on William since he keeps giving free haircuts even though our deal is over (the poor thing! =P)... so let's give Alan Salon Brunei a go. Haha!

So leh, to keep things 'safe' I just told the guy to cut my hair assymmetrical like it already is and pointed to the picture in the magazine he brought out (and the picture was coincidentally a model from Toni&Guy UK) for the short bit I wanted on the sides. It so isn't the same as the mag but it turned out pretty good either way... and since I haven't had anything worthwhile to do for quite a while I spent the night after my haircut being a narcissist. Hehe! Taking picture of self not easy OKAY! I must've taken almost a hundred shots of myself. Haha... so mengada! There are only 2 or 3 I like. This is how I look like now =) I'm particularly proud of it because it looks like someone took it for me =D

I was going through the little file where I keep all my poems. They date all the way back to 1999. The frequency at which I write in it has diminished as the years progressed which is somewhat a good thing because I only write when there is sorrow to be dispelled. It is my diary so to say. The poems mostly don't have titles but I date them and each poem conjures up the memories and emotions of the poem's situation. I do not keep it under lock and key because no one would understand the words, even in prose I seem to write in riddles. Today I read through it again and I rediscover myself and also that I suck at writing poetry but that's beside the point.

Where I was erratic and a complete frantic case, I have learnt to be calm; where I was sorrowful and bleak about the future, I have learnt to be optimistic; where I was overtly sensitive, I have learnt to check myself and understand the reason behind me being moody that day. This is where I grew the 'right' way.

Suddenly it strikes me as humourous, the way the characters of the poems evolved over time, from a thoroughly confused little girl cowering in a dark corner writing by candlelight (because that was, in her opinion, the best way to evoke the demons) to self-pity and insolence at times to stubborn surrender (if there is such a thing) with the half-hearted attempts at poetry in paragraphs instead of verses because it became difficult to compose the words in fractured sentences to realizing that I keep writing the same words but in different sequences all on the same topic... over and over again and finally acceptance where most days I am not affected by past wounds and I'm taking each day as it comes. You know all that corny 'Today is special. That's why it's called the PRESENT' kinda stuff. The gruelling road to these self renovations just seems so... unnecessary. What I mean is, I now feel that all the brooding and mucking around sad was so unrequired. The important bit was the part where I finally got to the instance of realization for the matter at hand. The numero uno answer to the question. The key that finally opens the door. The sweet rain of clarity on my psyche. Then again, I am a stubborn person... I'd never learn otherwise =P And I am still young and silly.

The latest entries are from early this year when so much was happening. Some more recent pages have been torn out or scribbled over in a rage or in disappointment.. whatever, but sometimes I am still surprised at what comes from my pen (or pencil... I like writing in pencil... I know my words are transient, too =P).

I actually got quite tired reading about myself today (Haha!)... I can get quite monotonous and boring, like, snap-outta-it/get-on-with-it boring. But obviously you people would know too *embarrassed grin* And I never seem to completely finish off a thought...

Even though I'm not good I shall post poetry =P because I can =P

---- From a time I was sleeping the days away ----

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Ok lah, I'm done rambling =) Thank you for reading. Hehe! Oh oh, and here's a picture of Lina and me during convo =) Just for the heck of it! Go gym people! It's happy-fying and it keeps your collarbones visible =P heheh!

I went for my first ever threading session today! My mom was commenting how uneven and ugly my eyebrows were getting to be so while she was waiting for her manicure to dry and I'd just finish showering after gym (the manicure place is right beside the gym... it's a 'spa' konon) she suggested I get my eyebrows tidied up. The first time she'd commented I'd been defensive... of course... looks were being attacked... anyone would get defensive =P Anyway, the lady who did them bushy eyebrows up didn't do no funny side-to-side motions like the lady at that other threading place as described by Gowri. I was disappointed really but I didn't quite have the time to think about it because it was PAINFUL WEI. I do enjoy plucking my eyebrows. The feeling of removing 'unwanted' hair oddly feels like removing unwanted feelings. But just like Racine, when she had her first threading session, I began to tear. I shouldn't have laughed at her =P That little bit of thread can really pull out a whole bunch of hair at a time. OUCH! I don't know how people can thread a whole face or hand or leg or any other large bodily area for that matter. Sure cry one.

Today was also the day I met Nicky. She's Ling Tze's senior and for once I actually had a proper conversation on more important things aside from the local tavern gossip. We did the usual local politics/corruption, religion, marriage/divorce, Brunei culture and attitudes, social class/status/power and how Brunei is really still backward even though they try their best to project an image that's otherwise. I honestly did not expect a good talk tonight when told that we were going to meet up with her. Figured it was just another run-off-the-mill 'hello and goodbye I'll probably not see you again.'

Oh oh, and today I switched to Blogger Beta. It doesn't look very different... anddddd my brother was Mario again today. It was for Friday Night. Haha! I don't know how it went but they have a part where Mario dies and he had the 'Continue' and countdown going.

Sidenote: I feel like going to Chocz. I want drinking chocolate =(

SADDEST POEM

This is one of my favourite poems from him and it's sappy but I cry when I read it. It's straightforward and naked in all it's despair and I feel as if such words could spring forth from me if only I had the talent in arrangement. No embroidery with lavish images aside from the starry night sky and dew on grass. But so much is lost in translation the original must be a hundred times more forlorn. Just like chinese slapstick works only in chinese.

It appears Sixpence None The Richer made a song based on this poem. That is strange. Another thing to check out is 100 Love Sonnets by this fella too. Only some of the sonnets are available online though. Passionate betul!

Back to gyming for me. The days are rushing by again because all I do is eat, sleep and gym. Attempting Christmas shopping in Brunei is wholly frustrating. There's nothing I think is worth giving as a gift. Bah Humbug! Haha! Oh ya, new post on kecohppl for me... although it ain't nothing special either =P

http://kecohppl.blogspot.com/2006/12/capisha-da-shisha.html