Random Thought Bubbles

Ramblings on of someone still finding the way

just when it seems dogs might not all be the same/and the lull of quiet time/catches me off-guard/it proves itself wrong/again/dogs are all the same/even the ones with gentle eyes/even the ones that pray/it thinks/if it thinks/with a stick/

happy

Posted by Marilyn comments (1)

quiet routine is good. calm days without the unstable drama and a discontented spirit. i think i have become mostly content.

Snaking side-to-side to a beat
undulating curves in the dark,
skin tight black on black
on dirty sunshine locks.

it has no name,
but unknowingly provokes
a knot, an old knot
to twist, like that snake.

a pale skin stranger uncurls an
old blind rage within,
of a different face,
of a different body.

every few months or so i get the urge to get a haircut =)

Left short side

Right long side

Front =)

Some place called Rodney Wayne this time. Again I am disappointed it wasn't funkier but it doesn't look bad. I do miss getting cuts from William. This time it was like wrestling for the cut I wanted... and I lost... haha. Hairdresser was adamant that if she cuts my hair any shorter it'll stick up... which is true... but she wouldn't bend to making my hair anything other than a bob. eck. so a bob it became. oh well. I figured if i wasn't going to get someone who was willing to do crazy i'd rather get a bob. i've had this haircut before though. i suppose i mustn't expect every hairdresser to be cool. so, i've satisfied the urge to get my hair cut... for another few months =D

gonna go get my hair cut today! yay! =) hopefully it comes out good... second cut i've gotta pay for. haha.

Finally an outing to blog about. haven't had enough happening things worth blogging about lately... or i'm becoming even more boring than i originally was. or i'm just more content with my situation enough to not need to pour out my heart to an audience =P

anyway...

the bunch of us roadtripped up north last weekend to the bay of islands, stayed at a backpackers and went horse riding, atv-ing, bussed up to the northern most point of new zealand and down the 90-mile beach (which is really about 60 miles but it was because cattle would travel along that beach and some sort of random calculation was done based to the the time the cows took to get from a to b) and then went on a super long cruise ride that took about 6hrs and half of us got sea-sick (including stephanie and it was also her birthday that day too. the poor thing)...

better pictures than words =)



Posing with the bus and cruise tickets... you will notice i have this blue cloth under my arm. this cloth i call my 'magic travelling cloth'. it doubles up as alot of things. i will demonstrate soon.




One of the coffee shops in Paihia as their trading hours sign


This is Zhi Yuen advertising for horse-riding


The people who went ATV-ing... i was too late for the photo =P


The people who went horse-riding with zhi yuen taking the photo


This is Khang Hee very pumped after the ATV ride with ATVs in the background and Zheng Taur and David trying to pretend they're not there

Again, notice the smug look

Me =) pretending to be a GT girl... haha!


In the Kauri tree forest walk. too bad it's kinda blur



Sui Ling displaying the cute kindergarten raincoat look


Me and a Kauri tree =)


For most of the day it was raining. This is Cape Reinga, northern most point of New Zealand. All we saw was a fog, rain and this lighthouse. haha.

Zhi Yuen handiwork. he's the resident surroundings photo taker



Wet as hell but we're still happy!



Crap views from the bus window. rained all day!


Zhi yuen's pic - Sand dunes we went sandboarding down.


Sandboarding... very scary at first but quite fun. although you get a mouthful of sand from screaming too much going down.


After the sandboarding. sandy and wet.


More of Zhi Yuen's pictures. 90-mile beach

The one good thing on the bus ride was this rainbow. the bus driver stopped to let us down to let us get some photos and then kept on driving in circles. otherwise the bus would've sunk in the sand and then we'd all be stranded and the bus would've been totaled.

BBQ at the backpackers. I stood around and took pictures while everyone else cooked. =P


The random girl in the bottom right of this pic is dorothy from hong kong. she stays in grafton hall so came along with wei yen and zhi yuen


This is Kari-Ann (nursing student from norway on exchange program who came with us) and these are the other random people from the backpackers we drank with. Jon, Andy, Steve and Shirley. They were in Paihia for the weekend for some sort of marathon. i thought that was funny.


Me and Kari-Ann


Wei Yen drank until tertidur on someone else's bed

And he finally woke up and joined us outside. (the outside seating area was supposed to be 'closed' at 11.30pm. the other people made so much noise that the owner came out at 4am and chased us to bed. i wasn't making much noise but i kena instead. stupid) and when we went to bed i woke up the whole room (we shared a dorm room thing with 8 people in one room, 3 of which were drinking and making noise coming back into bed. haha. jen xin wasn't very happy at all. =P)



Group photo on the cruise trip. 6hrs worth of bobbing up and down on open waters. 2 people got quite seasick and another 2 were quesy.


Wei Yen went to swim with the dolphins. khang hee and dorothy went too but they got shooed out of the water because they didn't look like strong swimmers. the crappiest bit was that they didn't get a refund. so remember, don't jump into open waters to swim with dolphin and pay for it when you know you can't swim very well. haha.


I took this photo. I'm particularly proud of it because i caught zhi yuen adjusting his hair. ehehe




On the boat... at this point it was more than halfway through the 6hr cruise and even i'm feeling somewhat quesy




Khang hee got quite sick. for most of the trip he had his head down a barf bag.



Wei yen, me, Kari-Ann and dorothy in front of the 'Hole in the Rock'... don't know why it's so fascinating also. it's just a hole, in a rock. =P





Stephanie got quite sick. and it was also her birthday. poor thing.



Here I am demonstrating my 'magic travelling cloth' can be a head scarf




Zhi Yuen's very postcard like photo of the island we stopped at



Here I am demonstrating my 'magic travelling cloth' can be a skirt


Group photo! =) It's so pretty there.




Here i am demonstrating that my 'magic travelling cloth' can also be a posing prop


uf, that was a lot. enough . it was a good trip =) a wee bit too short though.


grey brick walls threaten to crumble
not sure if i'm just where i'd like to be
hollow words echo

trapped, trapped, trapped

feeling trapped

isn't youth supposed to be when you're free...
where did that wind go
it's not carelessness that went

And then suddenly one year has passed... Happy One year Anniversary to me.

just finished watching august rush. excellent movie.

having one of those monthly pms trips. it's not fair the female population has to be afflicted by hormones even when we are fully aware of it.

a little off center today. just thinking of how easily one could miss a whole different lifetime by a few seconds.

every passing smile reminds of the one i chose not to know

sudden fluster of dusting. of cleaning. cleaning out a room like cleaning out the heart, the soul. maybe we all just need some honest toil, to offset the excess emotions.

if only to cure this past year. i think it would be worth the time.

Affection

Posted by Marilyn comments (2)

summer calls for colours. for bare ankles and straw hats. sunglasses glinting in the bright light. summer calls for love, more than any other time of the year. when happiness seems to be in fashion, the right fashion. vulgar words, vulgar thoughts dissipate into the humid hot air. and even a dark hole fails to shelter shut kindness. seedlings of affection grow from between the concrete pavements of a dry disposition. somedays love is elusive. wet grains of sand that stick then fall through. but there is kindness. kindness and affection. at least then there are love's cousins. close enough.

When you get hit by something that has a lifetime risk of 10-15% and a yearly risk of 0.08% you know the karma police is out to get you.

it's been a while since i last blogged =P

holidays are over. uni started yesterday. what i've been up to...

working as a waitress. i realize serving food is rewarding (like bryan... haha) and that cooks are strange creatures and that there are similarities between them and surgeons. both swear like pirates and have short attention spans so you better get what they say the first time around everyone swears like a pirate and the f word is their version of 'lah'. one of my managers uses sweetie and the f word in the same sentence. more often than not your waiter/waitress/cook is cursing you while you're eating. especially when you're a picky eater who asks for no dressing/no onions/herb potatoes instead of fries/battered oysters when the menu says they're fresh/no watermelon in the fruit salad when the salads are premixed before the day starts.

but i enjoyed being a waitress. it's brainless repetitive work =)

christmas. we exchanged gifts. and i made a paper christmas tree from advertisement booklets. it turned out pretty good. i sang in choir at church. part of the time in chinese. half the time i wasn't sure what i was singing =P and i got an umbrella from phyo. that broke the first time i used it because the auckland wind likes to embarrass people on the street with umbrellas by turning them inside out.

my birthday. most of everyone was back home then. but it was a good time nonetheless. i got sneakers, some chocolate, a cute t-shirt and a photo album haha. and then we went clubbing.

i thought i had more to say but i guess not really. the new year started quite well and i spent my holidays very productively working and spending my own money. although at midnight when 2007 turned over to 2008 i was standing in the middle of queen street alone while everyone else was with friends and laughing and the fireworks were pop popping in the sky with the lights reflecting off the mirrored buildings. because everyone was either at home or working and i was walking home from work and couldn't get into the place they were working at. so new year's eve wasn't great although i spent it drinking with workmates at half price because we get staff price at the 4 clubs the owner of the restaurant i work at owns. (which is a pretty good staff perk =))

looking forward to going to Adelaide. if i still can go though... i miss kecohppl (even though i've practically disappeared from the kecohppl blog =P)

happy new year everyone =)

i have no more words to pretend with.

where is the next?

and a whole year passes. oh how different it could've been.

more mistakes to regret a lifetime.

suddenly it feels as if i have no purpose.

fighting the bpd traits... must keep monsters in pandora's box.

someone once said a long time ago, the many lines on your hands mean you will have many problems in your journey.

and so all i can do is sigh.

the year is almost over.

and things panned out the right way in unwanted circumstances.

won't be the first heart that you break/you won't be the last beautiful girl/the one that you wrecked, won't take you back/if you were the last beautiful girl in the world/

Are you there, God? It's me, Marilyn.

Please let it be that everyone passes the exams.
Please let it be that the past year questions repeat
Please let it be that a sudden rush of information will rain on everyone
Please let it be that everything will be okay.

------------

everytime i go for exams i always picture myself dropping dead right at the door to the exam hall. and i have a sense of impending doom. oh no, oh no, oh no.

experiencing dissociative symptoms...

floating, not quite opaque, not quite here, not quite in focus.

i'm a study in borderline traits... makes remembering the dsm so much easier.

i need a holiday. and something more fulfilling. and i need to pass this bloody exam. at this rate i think i might just fail it...

i think i'm ready now. that's at least good to know. the heart no longer does loop-the-loops and dreams no long plague. come to think of it i hardly have dreams now. must be all the books. if only i could study in my sleep. that would save alot of time. i miss the good times.

i held a baby the other day. i've always been afraid of babies because they're so tiny and so vulnerable i feel i might corrupt them by just holding them. and i also keep thinking that they break easily. but the mom just said could you hold her please while the other kid gets seen.

couldn't say no, right...

everything so tiny and eyes so blue.

and a warm little quiet bundle in my arms. i can see why parents would want to protect the hell out of their kid. the world becomes so much more of a dangerous jungle.

i remember a moth flying into my room, one day, suddenly so long ago.

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