I'm excited :) because lina's coming back and because it's the new year again. some really difficult lessons learnt at the end of the rat year that. but i suppose it had to be done. and all in such a short span of time. it tested the change. i could easily have relapsed. but i didn't. and we all thought better of some people. the series of unfortunate events unfolded and it feels like this was all a preconceived plan. i find organized religion impossible to follow but the higher power appears to have been wrapping this up for a while now.
on a total tangent, i've been meeting too many people who know people i know. the world is really too freaking small.
it died. so very suddenly. on a sunday afternoon. a swift lifting so obvious i was surprised. not even a hole left behind to fill. because there shouldn't have been anything there in the first place. i'd made that space for someone who couldn't care for it. for a long time, i thought it was supposed to be a gradual thing. the business of burning flowers. i was blind and would prostrate myself at the altar.
never again.
i always say the day i stop crying is the day i stop caring. didn't think it'd actually come true.
i woke up this morning feeling fine until a big splash of cold filled my chest. but that's okay. it can only be expected. there is a feeling of freedom. after a long drawn out battle. even though i lost. but freedom still. and i have not wasted anymore tears on this. so hello world, i'm doing pretty good here.
GG. i bow down in awe. for all the technicalities. not even a hint of stain on those hands. respect.
just as suddenly as it all started. poof. and in all that blazing glory, i shall burn those final flowers. but in case i should not be allowed to bear witness, it will be alright. this door can be closed now. i can say i tried.
be still. be calm. there is only accepting now. a lesson has been taught. let the cleaning commence. exorcise the spirits. there is an end in sight. embrace. i am changed. it wouldn't have been this quiet otherwise.
there was only so much i could take. it's okay. it just became too ridiculous. this is as far as i can go.
without the cloud of drama, it's obvious a large portion needs to be rewritten