Random Thought Bubbles

pulling my hair out reading these notes. it's like cramming too much information into a tiny box. and everything keeps spilling back out and blowing away. and re-reading seems to make it all familiar but my tiny brain refuses to focus. there's a non-specific dull ringing at the core like a thick gong being struck incessantly, persistently calling for attention. to which i would like to attend to if only i knew what it wanted.

it's nearing the end of the year. end of the year. i thought that was the time of the year that would take too long to arrive. i guess in a way, it was. i'm in a new place but already i want to move somewhere else. i should be a nomad living out of a suitcase. maybe a travelling doctor. if i make it through med school and make enough money to roam the world. but that would mean having to be alone all the time. i'm not sure i can handle that just yet... although i spend alot of time not talking to people nowadays. but as you can read, i'm beginning to suffer from the effects of being a pseudo-recluse.

but i would go back to kl though. the place just reeks of home. although i was only there for 3 years and didn't know it before then. i would go back to the smog, the city lights, the swanky clubs, shopping malls that are actually malls, my frieeennndsss.maybe i will go back there even though i'd rather not take history in malay or chinese. haha. is this a low-grade homesick?

now i'm beginning to regret not booking a flight back to kl. damn. why oh why did i have such idealistic, unreasonable hopes? lessons, lessons.

i want a whirlwind to happen but i'm still not ready. it's beginning to annoy me, still not being ready. it's like being a gingerbread man on a pan, not allowed out of the oven, because the dough's not completely baked through... almost there but not quite. haha, i just likened myself to a gingerbread man =P maybe i'm just sick of the monotony.