Random Thought Bubbles

woke up to the smell of garlic today. the smell reminds me of home. or the idea of it. it reminds me of my auntie ade because her fingers always smelt of garlic. it never occurred to me that it was garlic and i'd associated it with home till i started chopping garlic too and holding up my fingers to my nose made me feel safe. the pungent scent of it would stick for days but i didn't mind. it was like carrying home in my hands. i have a clove of garlic in my room. when i really miss feeling at home i crush a bit of it and rub it into my fingers.

i found something that makes me happy. even for a little while. buttering a scone and eating it slowly. so english. haha. a little tea on the side is usually a good combination =D

it is somewhat disconcerting when i see a manic depressive who's more or less stable. all because they remind me of myself when i'm extremely upset. everyone who knows me well enough knows how hyperactive i get when i'm very sad. i use it to hide the black. the louder and friendlier and in your face i am, the lower my mood. until i burn myself out or until someone tries to crack the facade. which usually is paper thin. paint in the rain. erasable colour pencil mask. i keep thinking, i can make myself happy, i can make myself happy, it's not that hard, keep moving, keep talking, keep laughing... it'll click somewhere down the line.

or maybe that's just me being dramatic. again. =P

the old stories in my head are fading. it's like my head is trying to reformat.